SSH - relapsed

Yesterday I relapsed with SSH. Used a method I've never used before and it really hurt. Still hurting today. I'm disappointed with myself, but also hoping it prevents the body memories/sensations I've been struggling with.

Aw, it's okay, Superheroine. Relapse happens. It's part of recovery. Just get back up on that horse and think about how you can avoid it the next time that trigger comes up.

(((Hugs)))
Seesaw

Hi Superheroine,

I'm sorry the memories/sensations and what you've been going through has led you there again
But please try not to be disappointed in yourself, try to hold onto the pride you should feel in how long you went without SI and all the times you could have SI'd but didn't
Yesterday's feeling's were "just" a little much/a little further for you, right?
So.........you have made it so far despite yesterday!!

And the last thing you need is self-blaming for the SI, what you deserve is some self-compassion for those feelings that triggered it.
And I know those feelings can be real tough for you..........so maybe you could try for a bit more support with those, you don't/shouldn't have to face them alone

But for right now..........addressing the feelings and the SI...........perhaps some more older strategies or new strategies e.g. distractions, activities, writing things down, mindfulness, meditation............whatever might help you just a little.........

And the SI...........you know you can move past it/past yesterday..........you've done that previously..........it is possible...........let your past achievements strengthen you on the next leg of your recovery.............it may take time, it may be real hard, there may be slips, but you are a winner

Alison

The problem is that it seems to have worked. Instead of "those feelings", all I feel now is uncomfortable down there.

Sent from my D6503 using Tapatalk

Hi Superheroine,

Absolutely it can work, and that can be another factor in how addictive it can be..........especially when you have nothing else that's helping..........and I can completely understand the intensity/need/urge you must have been feeling at the time

But of course...........it's "short term" release/relief isn't it...........and the escalation in need/urge over time............

So, while in a way, I'd say it's real good you managed to escape some of those feelings, you do deserve much more than SI, a way to deal with those feelings without hurting............

Of course I'm going to ask you to try to talk to your therapist about it , but if we can help in anyway too e.g. if you want to talk more about the feelings, what happened to you, the SI........anything!!! If we can give you some distraction, if we can offer you any tips (like the old ice cube one)..........whatever we can do..........because you do deserve so much better/so much more

Alison

My roommate is out for the day, which is both good and bad. Good, because I don't want to be around people and she's been driving me crazy. Bad, because it means I'm "unsupervised". Not that she knows about any of this, but it might be odd if I started lighting matches and no candles...

Ugh. Fail again.