Am I ever going to be ready and able to stop this? It doesn't feel possible. There have been times I thought I stopped, once I made it to 11 months without cutting. But that was about 9 years ago now, and since then the longest period free from self harm has been maybe 2 months, 3 at the most.

When I got out of the hospital almost a month ago I was furious to discover that my parents had been through my room and gotten rid of my blades. How dare they. As if that would actually stop me. My ex used to do the same periodically when I lived with him, thinking it would make a difference. If anything it just made me more desperate.

If they actually took the time to try to understand this then they would realise it is not as simple as just taking the sharp objects away. If I want to hurt myself I will find a way. That's just the way it is.

But then a couple of days ago I thought maybe it was a blessing in disguise. My one blade they hadn't been aware of had reached the end of it's usefulness to me...and so for a couple of days I didn't have anything. I wanted to see how long I could go without replacing it. I lasted until today. I couldn't stand it any longer.

I'm not ready to give this up. And I don't think I ever will be.

[QueenCopper]

(((hugs))) I can honestly say that I don't understand but I wanted to let you know that I am listening. I don't know to help you I wish I did. I really hope that you are able to stop.

I struggle with self-harm as well, you are not alone. Just take things one day, or even an hour or minute at a time if you need to.

Thanks. I'm just so tired of this. But I see no way of changing it. It just seems to be the way it is, and how it will be forever.