[jman197]

I'm getting the urge to cut again and I am tired of fighting. I cut last weekend and told my close friend and he is worried about me, but I dont understand why I keep wanting to, then hide it from only certain people. I am tired of having to lie about my arms when people find out but yet I want to cut and not hide my arms. I dont get it at all.

[Skeezyks]

Hello jman: You know, from my perspective, there are all sorts of convoluted reasons for why we do what we do. I don't understand probably at least 90% of why I've ended up being the person I am & why I've done what I've done. Sometimes I wish I could somehow figure it all out. But I know I can't. It is a gnarled ball of wire that will never be untwisted. And, in the end, it wouldn't make a bit of difference in my life anyway. It all just is what it is.

I don't know why you are doing what you're doing. Perhaps a mental health therapist could help you get to the bottom of this. I suppose perhaps this all just has to do with your ambivalence over cutting. On the one hand, perhaps, cutting has become addictive for you. On the other, you feel you shouldn't do it. And likewise, on the one hand, you crave the attention people knowing about your cutting can bring you. But, on the other, you feel guilty for craving such attention & you fear what people may say if they know. From my perspective, the mind is a complicated organ & it is certainly possible for it to hold many contradictory opinions & beliefs. Hope you're okay.

[Fuzzybear]