[SheHulk07]

Technically, I know I'm being manipulative right now, but I don't' want to say anything to the fear of being hospitalized again. I did something about a month ago SH wise, but haven't said anything to my doctors or therapists. I don't know if I should say anything now, not say anything, or wait it out until it becomes urgent (if it reaches that point). Just had to get that out on here.

Hugs. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.

[SheHulk07]

Thank you.

I wish I could open up to someone about what I did, even someone to get advice. I probably could but I fear it all leads down the same road of being inpatient again. I can't afford that right now with the holidays and my oldest's birthday coming up.

I cancelled an appointment I had with my surgeon out of fear, and I don't know if it didn't get approved or what, but it's been rescheduled. I could cancel it again or I could bite the bullet and go in and just deal with whatever happens.

Your fears are valid given your past experiences ((hug))

Is there any way you can ask your treatment team under what circumstances, degree of severity etc will they ward tug?

Could you maybe try an anonymous crisis hotline, eg Samaritans (they're anonymous in my country, I dunno about the Western world)?

Would it be possible for you to get to know the surgeon and the team first? Benzo before?

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Your fears are valid given your past experiences ((hug))

Is there any way you can ask your treatment team under what circumstances, degree of severity etc will they ward tug?

Could you maybe try an anonymous crisis hotline, eg Samaritans (they're anonymous in my country, I dunno about the Western world)?

Would it be possible for you to get to know the surgeon and the team first? Benzo before?

I could try a crisis hotline anonymously, and see if they could help me figure it out. Most of them don't want to give advice, but I feel like I need to bounce some solutions off someone.

And I know my surgeon, she's very great and my appointment is scheduled the day before she goes on maternity leave. She's just been following up on my incision from back in Sept, and I messed with it again this week, plus more. So that's why I'm fearing seeing her again.

Would anyone on here be willing to PM me to talk about this with?

[SheHulk07]

I ended up going to my appointment this morning...after having a meltdown in the car prior to going in. I tried seeing the clinic therapist before I had the appointment, but she was busy. I actually ended up leaving and then coming back to see my surgeon. She was really nice about me reopening the wound, just said she was kind of bummed because I was healing but she understood I was trying my best. She gave me a pep talk about not beating myself up over it, and that everyone in the clinic is there to help me.

She did say one thing about not putting anything in there, and I told her there might be something in there still. She just said don't go putting anything else in there, and she didn't see anything in there when she cleaned it up for me. She's going on maternity leave this week, and said I could either see someone else in her office or see my pcp about the wound and made an appointment to see her when she gets back from maternity leave.

Then she called the clinic therapist and got me in to see her today for like 20 minutes which helped a little. She's going to make some calls and find me a new therapist at the community mental health center I'm going to, and then we're going to check in for as long as I need in 2 weeks.

Hugs, thinking of you. Apologies that I don't know what to say.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Hugs, thinking of you. Apologies that I don't know what to say.

Its okay, I understand people probably don't know what to say. I don't even know what anyone could say that would make it better. It's just nice to know someone read this and took the time to respond something.