the urge... and the follow thru.. apparently never goes away... even after years and years.... can life get worse??

[Rapunzel]

I know people who say for them it has gone away.

haven't in years and years...... but did... so perhaps for some it goes away... perhaps for others not...

[drummergrl]

Hi freewill:
I have to say that, for me, it's going to be a lifelong struggle. I thought it was over too, but hindsight being 20/20.......it proved me wrong!!! I won't go into the particulars as they are posted elsewhere, but just suffice to say that I lost control and wanted to die!!! I wanted to kill myself, and I don't know what stopped me, really, but the thought of leaving my children on that runaway train from suicide didn't click. I smacked the wall and threw things
and I usually hurt myself, but my knuckles are probably built up to the point that nothing hurts anymore.
Then the guilt sets in and that's a whole new story to write.
Why won't this urge go away? I don't know that it ever will...
I think we have to fight to control them before they can CONTROL us!!! I don't want to end up back in a hospital
psych. ward on dope that's meant to "shut" you down. Oh no, been there, done that. I have to remember to limit myself to certain situations that trigger stressful conditions.
It takes a long time to do that, and sometimes not always
successful. Try a tad bit harder and remember that you didn't get that way over night, it's not going to disappear by that same means overnight.
Do I make sense, or am I rambling? Sry!!! I mean well.

you mean well ..... and you did well.... thank you.. very much... yes.. for me I all of a sudden.. got "hit" by all of these feelings.. some old... some new... and I caved to the old urges...but I don't want to.. I fight and fight....

Bless you.... fw..

<font color="#000088">I started cutting at about 10-11 years old, and now I'm 34 years old, and I haven't cut for 7 years! But throughout those entire 7 years, I did struggle hard with the urges, and the cravings to cut. I just had to fight it with everything I had inside of me. I have never heard of a self-harmer that had quit, that didn't still struggle with the urges, and cravings to do it again, especially at times in their life when things were the most stressful! It doesn't just go away for good, like washing your hands, and it's gone! That urge will creep up on you at your most vulnerable points in life, and go to work with the cravings to do it,just to ease your pain. Because at one point in life, that was a big part of your life, and it worked for you. Your brain will remember that, and when you are very stressed, it will go back to that as a way to relieve that stress, and the urges will come back hard!
But you've got to fight them, the best you can, and recondition your brain with new coping mechanisms to fight the stress when it hits. So the urges won't be as strong, but they'll still be there! IMHO! With 7 years of non-self-harming, and urges attacking me constantly! I think I'd know!

I wish you the best in fighting them off, and stay safe my friend!
((((((((((freewill))))))))))</font>

[ickydog2006]

I'm glad you posted Justice about the 7 years clean. It gives me a little hope that I won't return to it.

I wish I could give advice but honetly my head isn't in the place to do so right now.

I guess all I can say is don't give up and don't lose hope.

((((((((((((hugs everyone)))))))))))

love you guys....