[Nannyof7]

I nanny for a family of 7, the oldest being a 16 year old girl. She is an EXTREME perfectionist and it really has started to concern me. I have seen little bits of evidence that she may be hurting herself and finally asked to see her arms that she had been hiding, they are completely cut up. She claims to have a story for the cuts that I do not believe (she fell off her bike, cat scratched her, etc)

What do people with experience with this suggest? Therapy? Pediatrician? Both? Anything else that may help?

Being a teenager is tough. And being a 'perfectionist' at this age is not weird at all. This is coming from a girl who is very similar to her age and who has had issues with cutting too. I didn't get the chance to go to therapy… but I'm pretty sure if I did. I would have seen how bad it was to be self harming and I would have had someone to talk too. I highly recommend seeing if she would like to go to therapy… But don't force her to go. It may make things worse… because teens are defiant. I don't think I would have gone to therapy then… because I didn't really know how to open up to my problems. And as much as I was willing to deny it… I NEEDED help. And so does she… Give her the love and support she needs. She may be trying to hide things from you but I did the same thing because deep down inside I wanted someone to go out of there way to care. Be that person.

[VernonJenkins]

In my experience, it helped to have support and understanding... Try your best not to make judgments or be too hard on her, because she's fragile. She needs someone who will listen to her and make her feel like her feelings are important and validated, and because of that, therapy might also be a good choice... But like DaX15 said above, don't put too much pressure on her because if you do, she will cave. Just be patient and gentle, as if you're talking to yourself.

[random_emotion]

I agree with DaX and Vernon. I know I respond best to gentle support and non-judgement. I think therapy would be a good idea. But like the others said don't be insistent. I really have nothing new to add to what DaX and Vernon said.

[Nannyof7]

Thanks so much everyone. I guess what I need to know is what would be a sensitive next step? I can't just let her continue to do it

How about approaching her alone and gently bring about the subject? Let her know you care about her but don't be pushy… Also do her parents know anything about this?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I am thinking I saw you post about this same family in another forum about one of the other children with a different kind of extreme unhealthy problem. Are you sure these children are not being abused and acting out in an effort to keep it bottled up?

Good point Crypts…

[AmandaBroken]

Thank you for sharing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Remember sometimes the best thing you can do is just being there.

[Nannyof7]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I am thinking I saw you post about this same family in another forum about one of the other children with a different kind of extreme unhealthy problem. Are you sure these children are not being abused and acting out in an effort to keep it bottled up?

I essentially live with them right now, so I don't think they are being physically abused , but emotionally may be another story. They ignore their kids half the time and the other time expect them to be completely perfect. They really only give the kids love and attention when they do something perfectly like a perf Ft report card, winning a game or competition , starring in a school play etc

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Nannyof7

I essentially live with them right now, so I don't think they are being physically abused , but emotionally may be another story. They ignore their kids half the time and the other time expect them to be completely perfect. They really only give the kids love and attention when they do something perfectly like a perf Ft report card, winning a game or competition , starring in a school play etc

Emotional abuse is just as bad and sometimes worse than physical - please get them help

[random_emotion]

Originally Posted by Nannyof7

I essentially live with them right now, so I don't think they are being physically abused , but emotionally may be another story. They ignore their kids half the time and the other time expect them to be completely perfect. They really only give the kids love and attention when they do something perfectly like a perf Ft report card, winning a game or competition , starring in a school play etc

In that case I'm not completely certain you should bring the SI to the attention of the parents. But not telling them also has it problems. Sounds like she needs someone she can trust possibly you if you feel able or a therapist. I wish offer more insight and help but I don't know what to do except get her in therapy.