Mother thinks self harm is because you not thinking about others

Is it normal for your parent to say to you that the reason why you cut yourself is because you not thinking about others?

This is what my mother said to me. I said that not true and she said to me "well that's the way it comes across" I said but in reality that's not true and she said "no, that's the way you come across" I was deeply hurt. I can't even talk to her.

It's not true, no... your mother is wrong there. I understand how much that must have hurt you I've been SHing for years and my parents reacted in an equal way when they found out years ago.

Fact is, SH has a lot to do with internal pain. I understand that it must hurt your mother to see you hurting so much - it should be her concern to take care of you though.

There are multiple good articles on the internet about why people SH... maybe you could send one of those to your mom?

Take care

It sounds like your mother doesn't understand mental illness. I'm sorry your in this situation! Hugs!! My suggestion to you would be to send your mother information on self cutting and mental illness, if your not up to seeing her send her some information via email. I will say a prayer for you and more understanding for mother, education is the key! xx

Your mother doesn't understand she's shaming you, try not to take on her guilt trip! Hugs your way

No that's not it at all. I'm sorry your mother's not being supportive. It's just a way of coping with extreme psychological distress. I've struggled on and of since I was 14 so know how hard it can be.

Boy, thats an old expression i havent heard in a long time: "thats how it comes across." Doesnt that really mean, "thats MY interpretation of your actions"? There is no absolute reason of "thats how it comes across."

Agree. That's OP's mother's opinion. Her opinion may be reality for her. But opinions aren't necessarily fact.

OP, is it possible that your mother is deflecting here and putting the blame on you so she can curtail any opinions that she has any fault in this?

I dunno.

Mother seems defensive, judgmental and doesn't seem to understand self harm. She kinda closed the topic for discussion, didn't she?

I used to self harm out of frustration. I didn't know how to ask for what I needed and there didn't appear to be any way to even ask for what I needed in my family.

It's weird because when I was a child, she took me to the therapist Andrew the therapist spoke to her about my OCD. So it's a bit bizarre she doesn't understand when she had thearpist spoke to her when I was 10. I'm 26, now though. I still live at home and I feel it's probably best to just move out .

Lisa Ferntz wrote a book called Treating Self Destructive Behavior In Trauma Survivors: A Clinician's Guide. It sounds like a text book, but it is easy to understand. I think it would help your mom conceptualize why this might happen instead of blaming you. Would she read it?

I'm so sorry that's how your mother reacted to your pain. That's what self harm is....pain, self loathing, ....a lot of feelings. My mother used to tell me I was looking for attention. Maybe I was but not the kind she meant. I wanted help and I'm sure you do, too. Hugs.