[Zenobia]

I want to thank everyone for answering my last post and giving me the support I so desperately needed. I get so depressed and it happens so gradually. It starts out with me feeling fantastic. I will be working hard around the house getting so much accomplished. The yard looks terrific. But as I am feeling so terrific I slowly start cutting myself off from those people that are important to me. I loose contact and I don't realize what is happening because I am so dang busy doing this stuff that makes me feel good. Then slowly the flavor of the activity fades. It just isn't giving me as much pleasure. At this point it isn't that I am to busy to talk to anyone it is that I am incapable of talking to anyone. I start feeling lonely but don't realize that I am lonely yet. It is just a vague discomfort that settles into my body. Then one day I wake up in a sad state, not wanting to do anything that I worked so hard to get started and was so excited about. I haven't talked to anyone in weeks and I feel awful.

Yesterday I picked up some henna at work. Last night I applied it in a nice pattern on my arm with daisies on a vine and a cute dragonfly. The pattern is helping me to distract my mind from other si ideas. My husband came in last night and look at me and said "Ok, what is the matter?" Sigh. I couldn't tell him. I am going to try today.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[blackdragon]

hey.. i had those days.... its great ur husband cares...... try to talk to him.. or at least write him a letter telling him how u feel..