[NewSmoke15]

Hey guys, so about a year and a half ago, I met my friend at work. I'll call him D. We had similar music tastes and we both smoked weed, so we hung out a bit. Over the months we would hang out more and talk more and all that.

I don't remember exactly when I found out, but eventually I found out that he cuts himself. I still wasn't very close with him, so I didn't say anything about it. As time went on and we opened up about our lives a little more to each other, I found out that he has a lot of issues with suicide and self harm. Over the past few months, he has taken pills and downed them with alcohol on several occasions. He self harms on his arm constantly. He had a mental breakdown at work and had to escorted out by police and taken to a psych ward. (I was out of town on a trip when this happened and had no idea until a friend I was with told me that they were talking to D, and he told them.)

He has been in and out of psych wards and hospitals several times.

He's a gay guy and uses Grindr a lot. He describes himself, somewhat jokingly, as a "hoe." He has a lot of one night stands. (When on a 4 or 5 day trip in L.A., he told me he had sex with 7 different guys.)

His last boyfriend, whom he met on Grindr, cheated on D constantly. D also cheated on his boyfriend. D tried to say that it was different bc his boyfriend had sex with random guys, but D was like "seduced my his ex and made a mistake." (Imo, they both cheated, they both ****ed up. It doesn't matter how many times or who it was with. 1 time is too many.) Their relationship was more about sex than anything else.

D would hear about his bf cheating, get all angry and sad, be untrusting for a while, then go back to normal. Eventually he said enough is enough (which honestly surprised me) and broke up with him. Shortly after met a guy on Grindr who was closer to D's age (other bf was older) and who had a job and was going to school (unlike the old bf). When I heard about the guy, me and other people encouraged D to keep up this relationship. After all, this guy was better than the old one (he has goals, a job, a decent looking future, he apparently was nice). About a month later, D says his bf broke up with him. The bf had been seeing another guy on the side and basically chose him over D. D and this guy had been on several dates together and of course had sex several times. But this guys reasoning was that he wasn't "dating" D. He was "dating" the other guy. And liked him more than D.

So this made D go into a f****g terrible downward spiral. Drinking and popping pills all over the place, self harming a lot. I hadn't heard from him in a bit, but wasn't too concerned. Sometimes I don't hear from him for a week. We are friends, but we aren't super close by any means. Then last night he texts me and says "so I assume you have heard or saw my Snapchat". I had not. He proceeded to tell me that he doesn't remember what he did, but he ended up in the hospital with 2 staples in his head after doing something to hurt his head really badly. He's afraid he will be fired from work. Over the past year he has called out several times bc of having anxiety, being in the hospital, not wanting his coworkers to see the bandage wrapped around arm, etc. And we recently got a new boss who is much less understanding and flexible with the employees. (Everybody hates him.)

I am going to hang out with D today and talk to him and maybe get an idea of what's been going on the past couple weeks.

Is there anything I can do or say to help him? He isn't the type of person to call a hotline. Its not that he wants to be alive and doesn't know how. He wants to die. Bc of the way every guy he has dated has treated him, the fact that his parents clearly dont care (he lives with them, but I wouldnt be surprised if they had no idea of what was going on.), he hates his job and his new boss, he doesn't have many friends who he hasn't had a falling out with and can barely trust (except for me and a couple others). I don't want him to die. But saying that means nothing to him.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm sorry your friend is in so much pain. Thank you for being there for him. (You mentioned you'd be hanging out with your friend today. Perhaps that has already occurred. If so, I hope it went well.) I'll just mention, by the way, that I've made a couple of serious attempts on my life too. So I'm not unfamiliar with what that's about.

Honestly, I don't know as there is a lot you can do here except to be there for your friend & let him know you're available & willing to talk should he want to do so. You can also encourage him to reach out for professional mental health help... perhaps by seeing a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If there is an LGBT organization where he lives perhaps they might be able to be of assistance with this. And then, of course, if you feel your friend is in imminent danger, then you'd want to contact his parents since he lives with them.

But really, for the most part, the ball is in your friend's court so to speak. He has to want to heal & be willing to do what is necessary in order for that to happen. And there is a danger that, if he simply chooses to continue going downhill, he could drag some of you down with him. So I think it's important to realize you can only do so much; & that ultimately you are not & cannot be responsible. It's his choice. But please do take care of yourself as well.

Here are links to a few articles, from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/common...y-be-suicidal/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to...e-is-suicidal/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/frequen...suicide/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...th-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...snt-want-help/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/best-th...hos-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-ways...hos-depressed/

My best wishes to you...

[Kibou]

Woah.. I'm so amazed by how caring and loving you are to your friend, he's very lucky to have you !

Having been through mental health issues myself (including depression, self-harm and suicidal ideation), I'd say what helped me was how caring and supporting my best friend was to me. Seriously, he would always be ready to hang out and talk to me when I was at my lowest, and oohh god knows that I was a horrible person when I was depressed. But he kept supporting me and staying by my side and I'm very grateful towards him for that.

On the other hand, my others friends weren't as supportive as him sadly. Most of them just wouldn't understand and even judge me ("People like you are just weaklings" they said. Tysm guys ily)

Well, it may seem obvious, but what you can give your friend to help him is : love, care, comprehension and do NEVER judge.

It seems that you're already doing that though But remember that, even if you can provide some support, you can't heal him. That's the job of doctors.

Wishing the best to your friend and to you as well <3

[zbmom]

You can't save him or make him stop hurting himself or attempting suicide. All you can do is offer to be a support person if he wants help. Offer to call a hotline with him or sit with him at the hospital. You can't force people to change, but just being a stable friend is a gift for many people struggling with mental illness. You can always call for a welfare check if you're worried he has taken something or plans to but that's the best you can do.