[UglyDucky]

I apologize if this topic has been covered recently; I spend most of my time in Psychotherapy. But this question came to mind a week or so ago and I wondered if someone here could help me come up with some kind of answer.
I'm going to guess that I'm older than most of you on this topic. I have a history of depression, anxiety, neglect, physical abuse and repressed memories. The first time I self-harmed was by cutting and I was in my early 30s. No one taught me how to do it, I didn't see someone self-harm - I just began doing it. Some scars on my arms are not so deep, but those on my wrists required stitches.
The 'why' of self-harming is varied - I understand that. But I don't know how self-harming begins. Is it a defensive mechanism, a hostile move, an innate understanding that hurting ourselves physically will stop the emotional pain?
Any thoughts on this issue will be greatly appreciated. I still get the urge, but have kept from hurting myself, mostly because I don't want to tell my T I've injured myself.

I found it's a way of transferring emotional pain to physical pain. It does not work though because as soon as the physical pain stops, the emotional pain comes back.

[TishaBuv]

For me (not cutting, but hitting in my late 30’s) it was overwhelming relationship frustration turned in toward anger at myself. It didn’t help. It didn’t get me what I want. I stopped.

[eye2797]

For me it can be for times of feeling numb and want to feel. The pain will take away the emotional pain. I do injure myself to the point of stitches , so the pain last longer.
It can be out of anger.

I try to find things to get my mind elsewhere, or call up someone just to chat. I also am open to my Tdoc and Pdoc and let them know if I am close to SH,

[Daeva]

For me it was a deep seated self-loathing and overwhelming emotions I felt were going to burn me alive if I didn't do anything. And so I began to throw myself into walls or bash my head against cement, then it went to cutting or holding my face under water until I nearly pass out (And did one time after I came up). For me, cutting is like releasing the pressure, releasing the emotions, it makes me feel numb, calm and peaceful like everything is right. and I am happy afterwards. It lasts for a few hours to a few days for me. But that all depends on what's going on in my life.

[ViolinPrincess]

I actually just started doing this several months ago. I get so mad about Trump that I hit myself in the head. Yesterday is the first time I found out that this is a self harm behavior just like cutting. BUT,I don't even realize I am going to hit myself until after I have done it.