My self harm journey

Thank you! So do you!

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I get that message sometimes myself. Computers are just strange little devices with minds of their own! J/K

Having some urges today to self harm.

Trying to analyze it a bit. I think a lot of it has to do with anxiety. I think a little bit of it has to do with wanting to get a need met. Not too sure what the need is. And partially, I am seeking comfort.

Slumber i hope you can resist the urges to do self harms

Thank you, willowtigger. I hope you are doing well today. hugs kit

I texted a crisis line for about 30 minutes but it wasn't really helping and it wasn't really helpful. It's hit or miss with crisis lines. Sometimes I find them helpful, other times not. But at least I tried reaching out...something the person on the other end of the text commented on. She talked about my resilience and openness. I guess that was pretty cool to hear. Still, urges...y'know. They kind of suck. But I'll manage....somehow.

Talking with a good friend helped a lot.

Texted my T because I am having urges. I think I am just trying to cope with the symptoms of Psychosis right now, before I get my med at the new dose and it has time to kick in. Plus I am having company (my niece and nephew whom I love) but I am craving alone time/quiet time/myself time and I have a crazy volunteering schedule this week on top of my already busy work schedule. I think I want some escape right now.

I wonder if you could:

1. explicitly take some private/rest time away from niece and nephew, and/or

2. reduce volunteering commitments for this week?

Anyone ever wonder why one gets self destructive sometimes?

Ugh.

i do sometimes

Struggling this week both physically and emotionally. I definitely feel like I am going to relapse today. But maybe I can head it off.

Ack! I guess that turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Relapsed. Sigh. Sometimes I make such a mess of things. Sometimes I am such a mess.

Sigh. Having urges.

I sent my T a text to contract with her until I speak to her tomorrow. She hasn't responded yet. That's okay. She is probably busy. I just count it from the time that I send the text, as her agreement. I mean, what is she going to say, no? Hardly.

I went to my GP yesterday because I have been having shoulder pain. Full disclosure--I have been having shoulder pain for years but I have a high pain tolerance so I just ignored it and figured it was part of getting older. Well, then I started getting numbness and tingling in my arm and thumb. So after a few months of that I thought hmm. Maybe I better take care of it. So I went to my GP yesterday. She said it isn't my shoulder, that it is my neck. She said that my muscles surrounding my neck are really tight and tense. So she showed me some exercises to do, prescribed heat and a muscle relaxant, and then told me to get an x-ray but wait a week to see if these other things help. So okay, I'm glad that there is a plan in place. She said I could take Ibuprofen too if I wanted. She was going to give me a prescription for that but I was like, I can just take OTC.

But while I was there, she always does a mini-psych-eval. So she did that. And she made me show her my arms to make sure there wasn't any self harm. I know she is just trying to take care of me the best that she can but that kind of bothered me.

Kit deserves to not be making self harms and your dr knows that

I am kind of getting a bit of urges since my T canceled tonight. Hopefully they go away soon.

Argh. I'm definitely feeling like I am going to relapse. I am trying not to. But I feel it. It's in me. It's around me. It's on me. All the SH thoughts/feelings/urges....they are chasing me down and cornering me. I'm only going to be able to outrun them so long.

Kit

My T is not responding to any of my messages that talk about me feeling like I am going to relapse. Maybe she doesn't care if I do. How can I stop it if T doesn't even care if I go through with it.