My self harm journey

we care, we dont want our Kit to relapse

What if T does care, but something serious is going on in her life that interferes with her from expressing that care at this moment?

Wanting to right now but I am trying to delay at least, or hopefully not give in. I am frustrated with my work situation (just a problem at work right now, not my entire job), I am feeling uncomfortable with my T because she hasn't rescheduled me from when she had to cut my session off at 20 minutes and I feel in limbo and I hate feeling in limbo, I have some social stress as we are going to some friend's house tomorrow for lunch and I don't know how that is going to go. I really need a mental health day. I am going to try to do that on Sunday.

When I said this, I meant that T was responding to everything else in the message but not responding to this part of it.

we all love a Kit

Urges. I can deal with them. They are just annoying me though.

I'm going to try to stay self harm free until after my Peru trip in late April 23. Do you think I can do it? I'm at 51 days right now.

Stupid relapse/lapse whatever it is. IDK. IDC

((((((((SlumberKitty))))))))

s Kit

Having urges. Some of them kind of are bothering me but I am just trying to ignore them.

Hey slumber, is there a pattern to when your urges arise? Are you aware of the triggers, is it just random sometimes?

I'm not too sure what triggers it. It seems random but there might be some underlying pattern that neither I nor the therapists I have seen have figured out. I can be perfectly fine and then four hours later I'm in crisis and either self harming or having bad urges. It's weird how that happens. Sometimes when things are going too well that seems to be a trigger too. What is that like self-sabotage? IDK. It's tricky. I think right now the urges are related to my thoughts being unstable. What I mean by that is more paranoia, hearing things that aren't there etc. So I think the urges have popped up due to these other things going on. So maybe that's a trigger?! IDK.

Having quite a few self harm urges. Sigh. I don't know. I probably won't act on them but I'm not 100% sure.

brings jellybabies in if they will help distract Kit's urges

what colour jellybabies is your favourite, Kit? I'll virtually provide that colour for you

Thanks willowtigger. You're so sweet. I like the black licorice ones.

brings the black ones in for Kit

Having urges this week. Not sure if it is related to having a lot of anxiety/panic attacks. Or if it is something else. Sigh. I gotta make it six days to get to two months.

Hang in there Kit!

brings more black jellybabies in for Kit, so she can eat them instead of doing anything to herself

Urges, urges, urges. They've been with me for days now. Sometimes they are emotional. Sometimes they are thoughts. I am finally getting kind of spaced out/dissociated though the thoughts persist. But they don't feel as much a part of me. I may still end up self harming. I don't know. Urges are upsetting. Wish I could completely dissociate so I could not have to experience this. It's only been 10 days since I self harmed. Who cares. Maybe I shouldn't even keep track.

I self harmed yesterday. I wrapped it up in gauze yesterday and haven't undone the gauze yet to see how bad they are. I will have to do that tonight I suppose. They kind of hurt but that's to be expected I suppose. I wonder what my therapist is going to say on Wednesday. This should be interesting. I'm stressed about it but I am trying not to be.

((((((((Kit)))))))))