2nd March is her anniversary, 2 days time

another year without her

i cant face another anniversary of her death

i just cant

i sorry

[East17]

Hugs ((willowtigger))

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

she needs me so i have to join her at rainbow bridge

cause what if she's getting sick again and i'm not there to help her

Anyone who wants or needs to say nasty stuff can be as nasty and cruel as you wants in pm to me

I deserve it

I wont report any of you if someone does

Nasty pm messages i can use as a self harms

Cause i do that on forums, bad stuff thats said i will read it as a way of doing mental self harm

Cause its my fault she didnt live

[mote.of.soul]

It'll be okay willowtigger, we're only human. Light a candle in love and remembrance with a smile within your soul: for there comes a time in our lives when we must forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made, a time of letting go. It's over.🙏 Because when an animal dies, their spirit becomes one with the stars above, they become an angel, free from all pains and sufferings, looking down upon the Earth, their hearts filled only with peace and love. And we can connect to that peace and love too. Which means it's going to be okay🌻.🌼

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by willowtigger

Anyone who wants or needs to say nasty stuff can be as nasty and cruel as you wants in pm to me

I deserve it

I wont report any of you if someone does

Nasty pm messages i can use as a self harms

Cause i do that on forums, bad stuff thats said i will read it as a way of doing mental self harm

Cause its my fault she didnt live

Nasty PMs? People being nasty to you? Or uiu want them to be nasty?

What do you mean? I don’t think you should ask people on here to be nasty to you as a mode of self harm. I don’t think that’s how it works on a forum or if it’s even allowed.

I am sorry about your loss. It’s sad. Grief is hard. Give it time to heal.

idk if its allowed or not

its something i've done on forums for a long time

if i get anything that does a further trauma in my brain, i use it as a way of making myself mentally hurt instead of physically hurting myself

although i do physically hurt still, leftover behaviour from 2012 cause i deserve it

[SlumberKitty]

HUGS willowtigger. If you are feeling this bad, I suggest you either reach out to a help line or go to the hospital (A&E). Be safe, hun. HUGS Kit

it'll be 5 years this year

never gets easier

Can i die please so i can be with her again?

At this time on this day, i was heading into the vet with her 5 years ago today

Just after lunchtime the vet said they couldnt do anything more for her and to come back in and say goodbye

I went back in and killed her by gently holding her as the vet was giving her the injection

She was completely blind by that point and had very little hearing left

Willowtigger a murders

[SlumberKitty]

Willowtigger, please try to reframe. You did the best you could for your little girl. There was nothing else that could be done. All pet owners at one time or another have had to face that decision. It isn't easy. But we don't want our babies living in pain. I let my poor Esther go after a 2.5 year battle with diabetes that ravaged her organs. Does that make me a murderer? No. It makes me compassionate. Please try to see yourself in a different light. I know this is a hard day for you and we are here for you. But hun, you have to stop beating yourself up. She knows you love her. I believe you will see her again one day. HUGS Kit

[Rose76]

((( @willowtigger)))) On the far side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is no sickness. Pain and suffering belong only to the earthly side of the Rainbow Bridge. Your kitty is freed from all that ever caused pain or fear. I like mote's suggestion of a candle. When my doggie left me, I put her picture on a shelf with a candle that I lit every evening. To me, fire is sacred and links me to the other-world beyond this one.

For 5 years I mourned. Not every hour of every day. But I couldn't drive past a certain park where we used to go. Now I rarely cry. Mostly I smile for how wonderful she was and how she blessed me with her love and loyalty. I made mistakes caring for her. I was learning things that I would do much better, if I were caring for a furry friend again. She even got hurt once because of a mistake I made. I have to let go of what I can't go back and do over. I mostly tried hard to give her whatever she needed. She must have known that because she had "thank you" in her eyes.

We are so lucky and blessed and privileged that our furry friends gave us their love and loyalty. We must not be greedy. They were not meant to be with us always in this world. We must not say that we need more from them, like they didn't give us enough. We must not try to call back their spirits that have gone to the other world. They are where they belong now.

I think about getting another furry friend. It's a big decision because it's a lot of responsibility. Maybe @willowtigger will think about welcoming another furry friend who needs to be adopted. It's a possibility. Think about it.

Originally Posted by Rose76

((( @willowtigger)))) On the far side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is no sickness. Pain and suffering belong only to the earthly side of the Rainbow Bridge. Your kitty is freed from all that ever caused pain or fear. I like mote's suggestion of a candle. When my doggie left me, I put her picture on a shelf with a candle that I lit every evening. To me, fire is sacred and links me to the other-world beyond this one.

For 5 years I mourned. Not every hour of every day. But I couldn't drive past a certain park where we used to go. Now I rarely cry. Mostly I smile for how wonderful she was and how she blessed me with her love and loyalty. I made mistakes caring for her. I was learning things that I would do much better, if I were caring for a furry friend again. She even got hurt once because of a mistake I made. I have to let go of what I can't go back and do over. I mostly tried hard to give her whatever she needed. She must have known that because she had "thank you" in her eyes.

We are so lucky and blessed and privileged that our furry friends gave us their love and loyalty. We must not be greedy. They were not meant to be with us always in this world. We must not say that we need more from them, like they didn't give us enough. We must not try to call back their spirits that have gone to the other world. They are where they belong now.

I think about getting another furry friend. It's a big decision because it's a lot of responsibility. Maybe @willowtigger will think about welcoming another furry friend who needs to be adopted. It's a possibility. Think about it.

Willow came to me after we lost Ebony

Im sorry about your dog

[kala83]

I really feel you, I have had suicidal thought tendencies (never actually had the balls to attempt ****, which I kind of count as lucky honestly) But somewhere in my head when I knew I was too scared to attempt something big I started getting in the habit over a few years of doing self-harm.
I have myself not had a relapse in doing something like it in a long long time...but omg if I am super emotional and in a bad way of things I am sitting there thinking about it.
I always hated how people outside of mental health always just assume if I was cutting i was doing it to end my life. and that was never the case at all!
it sounds strange but for the longest time and still to this day if and when I feel the urge. It's because I have done something I felt was harmful to another person and I wanted to inflict pain on myself in turn, maybe as punishment, or just knowing how badly I had hurt that person and having a relatability to their pain.
but it never was the whole over hollywoodized thing of cutting my wrists a certain direction to bleed out stuff they always want people wanting to think.

I hate it that its so hard for me to open up and talk about self-harm tendencies or suicidal thought tendencies ye by no means are these things pretty or a fun happy topic to bring up in mental health but if you can't find supportive formats to talk about them in some way then they never truly get addressed or resolved the way they need to.

Ebony my sweetpea was with me last night i'm sure of it

I felt a cat jumping on the bed, Willow was asleep on my clothes near the bed, Tigger was playing with something in the other room i could hear her, so it wasnt Tigger or Willow on the bed

i could feel her walking around near my head like she used to, before she couldn't see or hear any more

i remember her last night, she was so unsteady on her paws and could not walk in a straight line, couldn't even tell where me and Tigger was

Tigger kept walking up and down the stairs next to her to prevent her from falling down the stairs

[*Beth*]

Sweetie, you had an awful, awful loss and the way you lost your precious kitty was especially cruel. I had to euthanize one of mine, he had a brain disease, too, and God, I still shake when I think of it and that was many years ago. So many of them and however they left their time on earth left a hole in my soul BUT not as big as what they GAVE to my soul.

wt, you did not do anything, not one teeny bit of anything, wrong. You clearly, clearly loved and adored Ebony. She knows that.

btw, I also feel one of my soul-mate cats jump on my bed sometimes. Their little, powerful spirits watch over us. I just say Hi and her name. She died 11 years ago. I miss her sooo much, every single day, yet there is peace. You will get that peace eventually. The peace won't mean that you have stopped loving Ebony. I promise.

Exactly how in the crap i avoided physically hurting myself so far since Ebony went idk

Hurting physically as punishment i did every year since her passing, this is the first year i havent cut her back into my skin, just realised