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#1
Apr 16, 2008, 06:52 PM
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I was talking to T the other day and he said he heard me say something new for the first time--that there was a compulsive angle to my cutting on a certain day. I thought about it and agreed with him--that I felt I had to cut in order to move on with my day.
I don't think this is always the case, but was wondering if others have noticed this. I am also wondering if different types of cutting can be managed in different ways. I mean, I know that it provides me immediate relief and release of anxiety. But, if there is a compulsive nature to it, then maybe I need to look at this differently. I'm trying to understand myself and my cutting. Peace 
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#2
Apr 16, 2008, 08:02 PM
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yes, i have known that for myself to be true - not always. sometimes i just know that i'm not going to get through unless it is done (but i think it is an alter or an ego state that does that). it feels outside of my control, like i am being influenced from within. Sometimes when things are really bad, the switch happens, it is a take over, and the cutting is done. but the compulsions are different- like being driven from a different place.... it is hard to give words to. in those times i know that i can't have dinner or empty the diswasher because the compulsion will take over and nothing is safe for me.
does that help?
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#3
Apr 16, 2008, 11:11 PM
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I notice I get my urges every 2 weeks...I try to have a little more "me" time when I know I'm gonna be a bit more sensitive to things.
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#4
Apr 17, 2008, 01:55 AM
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Compulsion, to deal with stress, addiction, "just because", or to feel something/not feel something are just a few different reasons why people SI.
Trying to identify the trigger as to the thought to SI can lend a hand in determining the best way to deal with it.
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#5
Apr 17, 2008, 02:34 AM
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T and i were just talking about this tonight. she was asking me to come up with a list of things to do instead of cut and i was trying to explain that it depends on different times because on those compulsions, i do not feel in control, and it seems there is no way out but to cut. Where as other times if i feel it coming on, i may be able to stay with something long enough to get through.,,,
k
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#6
Apr 17, 2008, 08:20 AM
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kiya... my t has me revisit my list from time to time... we adjust it add new things remove things that aren't working at the time... i know what you mean about it is different each time... but the list seems to help anyway.
yes i do it so that i can move on ... in a warped way it keeps me from being stuck in that dark place ... and sometimes it keeps me safe ... like i said it's warped but it's real... lyn
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lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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