what to do??

Im really triggered and I havent got anyone to talk to

((((((((((((((( BabyG )))))))))))))))


share my umbrella

Here's a good suggestion you gave me today: "You know what helps me hun? Getting a thick block of paper and scribble on it as hard as I can until it actually physically exhausts me... Then I get tired after that and I find I feel better for it" Would that help?

Can you talk to someone IRL?

I'm glad you posted here. Hang in there. You're doing so well....

oh crap I need to vent.

I just had a panic attack trying to write.

Im sorry, and I hate this and I feel so %#@&#! alone but I hate to admit it because I dont wanna seem across as a 'nag' or 'moany' or 'problematic'. So Im apologising now. Who to I havent a clue, I guess Im apologising to myself. Im apologising to myself for being me.

I need to talk to someone but I havent got anybody I can talk too. I dont even know what I want to say, but I just need to get something out and I dont know what it is. Im scared and I dont know why, I dont even know what I am writing I just am and I just need to vent.

%#@&#!
%#@&#!
%#@&#!.

I want to call myself stupid and other names and I want to say that I hate myself and I am worth nothing, but I cant do it because Im am worth something and Im not stupid, even though I dont believe that right now. I want to shout and scream and pull my hair out but I cant do it. I want to express my rage but Im not going to tonight, because Ive been doing so much better and Im going to control this instead of it controling me.

I want someone to save me, but I dont know what from. Im so glad Im not experiencing my usual trigger tonight, its not as strong and its not anger anymore, its just upset. I want to say depressed but its not. Its scraed and a bit panicky. Maybe its loneliness. Yep, thats the best way to describe it.

Usually, it would be anger, but I know I have no reason for me to be angry at myself. I could go upstairs and SI but Im not going to, because there is no need to punish myself and not only would I be letting phil down, but I will also be letting myself down aswell.

There is this other side to me telling me I need some new marks anyway and is trying to talk me into it, but Im not going to listen. Its so tempting, but Im saying no this time. Saying no terrifies me to death, it really does. But Im a strong person and Im putting my foot down tonight.

So Im not going to punish myself. Im not going to blame myself for having no one to talk to, because I know that just because I feel alone doesnt mean Ive been rejected or that nobody cares, because they do. I am loved by so many people.

And there is no reason to be scared. Just because I feel alone, doesnt mean I am alone. And by changing my way of thinking will change how I feel about the situation. So no more panic attacks now, because I shouldnt be scared or worried or frightened. No need to drink anything, or take any tablets, or SI, or eat until i am sick. No need to make myself feel crap.

Treat yourself as you would a kind friend.

I am going to tuck myself in bed, and think about how my T told me that I can change my way of feeling by thinking of a time when I was truely happy, and recreating that feeling. And Im going to do that. Im going to think about when I was with phil last night and this morning - you cant get any better feeling than that. And Im going to go to sleep and it is going to be a new day tomorrow. And I will wake up with the same feeling, and give myself a pat on the back for talking myself out of a trigger and another panic attack, for the first time ever

Wow, I really feel better after that. I cant believe I just calmed myself down like that. What I practiced all these months in therapy has paid off I guess.

Thanks fuzzy, Thanks earthmama, and sorry for the vent. No need for the paper either

much love, babyg xXx

WOW. Just wow.

I honestly think I will print off your post and save it for MYSELF. You did such a great job of acknowledging your thoughts/feelings and then challenging them with different, healthier ones.

I am so proud of you!!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( baby )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope today is a really peaceful day for you.

It has been a peaceful day so far, no bad thoughts or anything. Last night was weird lol

babyg xXx

Wow Baby, your post yesterday was awesome. If I were you I would keep that and refer to it as needed!

It sounds like what you did here was take control and empowered yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u can talk 2 me anytime u want...

So glad you posted Baby!! You are truly loved here! And I would Love to chat w/ you at anytime! You can PM whenever you feel comfortable, I'll get back to you ASAP!

If you want to come to chat tonight & share, perhaps you could get many new creative ideas that would help you! I really look forward to seeing you soon!