[wisewoman]

There has been a strong battle within me lately between different parts of my self. There is a teen who is scared and traumatized that her friend died. She wants to show the world how tough she is and that she doesn't need anything. She wants the rest of us to shut up because she thinks by silencing us she is keeping us safe. She could have hurt herself today and did not. She has not acted on this. She is trying to figure out the fear and how to get past it without doing something that the world tells us is self harming. She has been brave and is trying to learn better ways to keep us safe. It is not easy. She thinks that the friend is dead because she is bad or because she allowed herself to love the friend. You know, one must NEVER need anything because it opens one to pain. Torture, ridicule and soul murder. She is still trying to grow up and be helpful and kind to the others here. It is hard. She hates the whiny vulnerable ones inside.

[SweetCrusader]

(((((ww))))) & (((((teen))))))

It is not your/her fault that Jane died. And loving someone doesn't make them go away. People die, and it isn't anyone's fault. It's just a part of life (a hard part, but it is a part). It hurts so much, I know. But your love didn't make her go away. She was just finished with her life.

Angela

[wisewoman]

but how could she leave if we needed her so much? How could she go with all the love the world had for her? Why did MY firend go when I have had so very few people who can love me and nurture me? Why don't the mean people die instead? They have done the unspeakable and all Jane did was love. Everyday she loved and gave and loved some more. I do not understand.

[SweetCrusader]

You don't know how much I wish I had those answers for you, sweetie. I know what you mean. And I agree it seems very unfair. I know you hurt so much, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I had the power to make things right for you.

*hugs*

[wisewoman]

me too, dang

[Zenobia]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Carrie

[SylverFlames]

*hugs* Sometimes things just happen like this. And it sucks. But it's not your fault, you had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry for how you feel.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( wisewoman )))))))))))))))))))))))))

it's hard recognizing and feeling the pain of insiders, i know it's also a very helpless feeling for me. i hope you all find some peace soon.

love,

kd

[wisewoman]

thanks for the support. It is strange the places grief takes us. It will get better. I took today off from work, called in sick. Sick in my heart. In bed waiting to have to get up and shower for P.T. Anyway, thanks for getting it. It is confusing. I am not DID, just very well dissociated at times. I appreciate the kind words and thoughts.

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{WW}}}}}}}}}}}}

I think we all have parts of us that are at different developmental levels. I read a story in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul about a girl who was turning 11, and she said that when you are 11, you are also all of the ages that you have ever been before, 10 and 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and 0. And when she feels like crying and pouting over something that upsets her, that must be that part of her that is 6, or maybe 2. It was really cute. I'm at more than one level developmentally also, and my T says she's not talking about DID, but how does it feel to have that clash between a competent adult part and another part of me that feels like (and sometimes acts like) an incompetent child?

It does make sense to respond from a younger part of you, or to have feelings that come from that younger part of you. And I'm not sure that it helps to apply your adult reasoning abilities to those feelings. I think that maybe you just need to feel them and recognize them for what they are, and accept and validate that part of you.

[kimmydawn]

ww, i realize that you're not DID. however, even those of "one mind" still have parts of themselves that they recognize and have to deal with and i know you're dealing with alot right now.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ww )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

love,

kd

[SpazKatt]

I know the feeling *huugs*

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))

[HALLIEBETH87]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
If I can help, let me know. God bless you. Please be safe.

[kax25]

(((((hugs))))) i am sorry for my loss of words but i just want you to know that i care and if you ever need anyone to talk to just shout.
Max

[wisewoman]

You guys are too much. How can I thank you enough for your encouragement and support? I would like this teen to hear and understand about loss. That is the one who first met Jane. Kimmy, you get it don't you? Oh my, I feel as though I could explode but this teen does not know how to cry. She knows other things but just not that. Thanks again guys. I really send my love to you.

[Zenobia]

My T and I do "part work" all the time. It is facinating to me that there are spaces with in me that are so different. The most recent strongly noticeable movement by another part was when I showed my husband my cuts in therapy. After I showed him I dissociated severely then when I came back I was about 4 years old and needed to cuddle into him. He put his arm around me and continued talking to Catherine about self injury and stuff. After about 5 minutes of close body contact I could feel the child slip away quietly and I could become an adult again. It was kinda cool to witness it from a place of understanding. Not all that long ago I wouldn't know what was happening. I would have just felt scared and injured. Instead, the "part work" we had done let me view it as just needing nurturing that I hadn't gotten when I was that age and I was able to get that nurturing at that session.
Carrie