[cryingchild]

I'm So Confused At The Mo, You See I Keep Getting The Nagging Feeling That I Need A Drink, And It Hurts So Much As I Often Can't Have One, I'm Such An Waste Of Space, I Used To Drink Evreyday But I Soon Replaced That With Cutting But Then I Needed Both, It Feels Better To Drink And Then Cry, Usually I Feel Too Numb To Cry When Sober So I Turn To Alcohol.I Prefere Drinking Alone, To Not Have To Share The Guilt Of It, My Thoughts And Feelings Are All Wrong. I Feel So Numb. I Have To Bleed To Feel....Something.

[penna]

i don't have a lot to offer in the way of help, except to say that i completely relate to wanting to drink or cut all the time. i just have different reasons for wanting those things. i keep telling my t i'd be just fine if he could teach me how to not feel anything, be says we have diverging goals on that

[Zenobia]

{{{{{{{{{CryingChild}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{{{Penna}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
It is odd. I have been trying very hard to not do the self harm thing so that when I go into therapy on wednesday I can say "No I haven't since I wrote you that letter." In the last couple of days I have drunk myself silly. Last night I downed a whole bottle of wine. I usually don't drink at all except the occasional glass of wine or margarita at a restaurant maybe MAYBE once a month. I have also had unprotected sex twice. Go figure it was after drinking. I DON"T want to get pregnant. I am getting too old for that sort of thing and couldn't handle another child...I am failing the ones I have bad enough without throwing another one into the mix. I really need to call my doctor and arrange getting my tubes tied. Sigh. Guess I will add that to my monday phone call list that never get made.
Carrie

<font color=blue>The important thing is this: to be able at any momeent to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.--Charles Du Bos