..........

i started again. i don't know why. i thought i had everything undercontrol. now i just want to fade away i guess. i can't talk to anyone and i can't sleep i'm afraid to sleep. i probably sound like an idiot. i think i want to die. but i know i will never do it. it's just a thought anyways. i still won't go to a theripist they keep trying to give me meds and i don't want to be on meds. if i make myself bleed a little thats fine right? i mean i can stop again i just need to figure out how. doese any of this make any sense because it doesn't to me and i'm writing it!

Hi ((((((((Girl))))))))))))

You don't sound like an idiot, you sound like you're under a great deal of stress... has anything happened recently that might have restarted the thoughts to self-injure? You *need* to go see a therapist, because dealing with the root causes of *why* you self-injure requires the help of a therapist. Why are you so against meds? I know I didn't want to be on them in the beginning either, but because I'm on them now my mind is a lot clearer and its easier to ignore the negative thoughts.

Bleeding away your pain is not fine, it means you're hurting. I'm sorry you're finding yourself in such a spot.

Please seek help - talk to a doctor, or a therapist - if you're really against meds, tell them you want to explore other non-psychological drugs (herbal or otherwise) or you just want talk-therapy. You can get whatever you think you need in terms of help - it's there for you.

*hugs*
The therapists can't force you on the meds. What you said about its ok to make you bleed a bit, it's no good, because it's really really hard to stop. And soon bleeding just a little may not be enough

please, try your best to stop as soon as you can - it's such a bad habit. I've been struggling with it too, I've let it go for too long. It really becomes a habit.

You're not crazy, just please try your best to get better