[Can't Remember]

I just want to throw this out there since I don't have anyone here that I can tell. Lately my thoughts have been more of a self-destructive nature. For some reason I have a very intense desire to smoke. Never been a smoker, my parents were for a long time. I guess its the most destructive thing I can think of to do that no one will know about. I've thought about cutting but never done it. I don't drink. Don't do drugs, except for sleeping pills that really don't work anyway. Just wanted to "say" it. See if anyone else has anything odd things they feel compelled to do. I'm very detached, not many emotions and I know this all has to come out somehow.

[MINIME]

write it color it sing it talk about it tell us. Put it in a box and put a heavy book on it. Do not hurt yourself please.....its a road you dont want to start it will add to you problems and give you grief. Please find something.

[turquoisesea]

I have felt that way. I have acted on those feelings.

PLEASE please please. Believe me when I say: acting on those feelings will NOT help. At best, it gives you temporary immediate relief during the end of the act (while being in pain) and afterwards you hate yourself for doing it, and there are bad long term effects that make it more likely to happen again.
It can be an addictive habit that forms more easily than you would know.

PLEASE DO NOT GO THERE. Please, trust me, I'm talking from experience. I'm lucky not to have marks up and down my entire body. But I do have scars.

Your thoughts are probably stemming from those repressed feelings you were mentioning. Understand that there are other ways to get those feelings out, that are much better. Try to figure out what's behind all this. Reach out for help. Consider talking to a friend who you think might understand, going to a therapist if there is access to one, because trust me you don't want to get there.

I''m really glad you posted. It's a great first step.

Continue to post all you like and, you can pm me too if you wanted to talk or .. anything really.

Loads of hugs
~turquoisesea

[Can't Remember]

Thank you both for reading and replying. Unfortunately I don't have any friends but I did just start therapy. I'm by myself here for a couple days while my husband is out of town and nighttime has always been a bad time for me. I'll just keep posting and hopefully those thoughts will go away.

[Sannah]

Welcome Remember! I hope to hear more from you!

Sorry you are having these thoughts. I have similar thoughts. PLEASE dont act on them tho - it doesnt help, as others have said, and can only make things worse.
When I feel like this, i try to distract myself in any way i can ie talking about nonsense with friends, reading posts on PC, drawing, writing, painting my nails, or drawing/writing on my arms with pens. It helps, cutting doesnt.
Try to believe that you are a good person who doesnt deserve to hurt themselves. I believe that about you because no-one 'deserves' to SI
Take care

*Willow*

[Fuzzybear]

[Can't Remember]

funny that you say that Willow because I did end up painting my nails black. anything to keep from doing something. thank you all for your support.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by Can't Remember

funny that you say that Willow because I did end up painting my nails black. anything to keep from doing something. thank you all for your support.

*hugs hugs hugs*
I'm proud of you for doing other things

[angee]

Originally Posted by Can't Remember

I just want to throw this out there since I don't have anyone here that I can tell. Lately my thoughts have been more of a self-destructive nature. For some reason I have a very intense desire to smoke. Never been a smoker, my parents were for a long time. I guess its the most destructive thing I can think of to do that no one will know about. I've thought about cutting but never done it. I don't drink. Don't do drugs, except for sleeping pills that really don't work anyway. Just wanted to "say" it. See if anyone else has anything odd things they feel compelled to do. I'm very detached, not many emotions and I know this all has to come out somehow.

Well, I tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to drown my sorrows in alcohol but I know that doesn't really work (yeah, I've tried it). I'm feeling like everything has gone wrong lately and I can't seem to find the answers. But I do have some advice for you. DON'T START SMOKING--IT'S TOO DIFFICULT TO QUIT!