[turquoisesea]

They're all up and down my legs.

I don't want to take the bandage of the right leg because I remember from last night and it was horrible I don't know if I can handle looking at it

I don't know if I can handle looking at myself after what I did. Not just the scars but I was horrible to my bf that's why I got so upset to cut in first place.

But how do i handle now I dont think I can ever look at myself again. I see my bf in a few days now... I don't know if I can face him, I can't hide the scars under pants...

I'm scared to take the big bandage off But I have to sometime
what do I do

[Tumnus]

Do you need to get medical attention?

[bridgeboy]

Hi TS,

I haven't posted or followed the forums much so I'm sorry if I am uninformed of your history. I'm sorry you did that but I just did it (maybe more tactfully hidden) last night and have done in the past.

OK, you should take the bandage off to take a look. Is it just one cut or many? Is it obviously carved or could it pass for an accident? I really think you have a little scope for hiding this. I remember it killed my mom (and she did die within the year sadly) when she saw mine but mine were way worse than it sounds yours were. I've explained the odd scar and believe me if it does turn white in a few months nobody will think twice since if you are Caucasian it kind of blends in.

If it is still fresh you should think about going to the emergency room if you have insurance or can pay out of pocket - I have scars that are now white hashmarks that would be either not there or be less noticeable had I gone to the emergency room within the first 24 hours or so. That's short term action with long term thinking which is always good.

It will hurt him when he sees it but it's too late now, sorry. Actions have consequences but please let him know that you are not suicidal since he will first be afraid for your immediate safety. Next, let him know your feelings on why you did this. I bet he knows you well enough that he will not freak out.

Good luck and let us know how it works out.

Be safe,
Dan

[turquoisesea]

thanks

I'm not sure... there's lots lots of them. last night after I did I was on the bf , he knows what has happened and by that point I had dissociated... he got the childlike me to wash the wounds with cold water and some soap, and to wrap them up.

I don't THINK I have to go to the ER - the only good thing is that although they bled quite a bit the wounds are more glancing than deep.
My skin is very white so they'll be very noticable.
There's TONS of them up and down... it looks almost like a zebra :/ But... they're not TOO deep - I only cut each one once with scissors...
do you think maybe going to the market and getting some more stuff to wrap it up and ointments to disinfect may do it?
any other ideas to help make it heal?

thanks everyone so much

I don't THInk I need medical attention, thank goodnesss... but... they're really everywhere and can NOT pass for an accident some even make words on one of the legs

thanks everyone

[bridgeboy]

Yeah there are light scars which may or may not bleed much where the skin does not pull away revealing the next layer, like a scratch from a thorn that scabs and then heals without a trace. Then there are the more serious ones that still don't hit anything horrible but the skin divides noticeably and needs stitches or it will scar (e.g. razor blade or broken glass), so that would probably be an ER visit. And as long as the bleeding has stopped, just disinfectant like peroxide should be good (cheap, supermarket or drugstore, fizzes on contact with blood).

Also, VERY white skin means scar tissue (zero melanin) will blend in well. If the scars are kind of stippled and not too long that helps.

Glad you are ok,
Dan

[turquoisesea]

thanks... I wouldnt have thought of peroxide...
the bleeding has stopped... I think... if you've ever had cats they all look like ... deeper than normal cat scratches some of them are more like a normal/deep cat scratch... they come apart but not all that much... so I'll clean really well put ointment on, try the peroxide you mentioned...
not sure exactly if it will keep a scar - the ones i used to did, small not as noticable... but, i'm hoping these aren't as deep...

thanks so much bridgeboy for your advice.
This helps .. to give me a sense

When I unwrap and clean tonight after I've gotten the supplies I"ll take a closer look at them ... and consider if they need more than that
(I still haven't... trully looked *hides*)

loads of hugs, thanks SOO much