I'm sitting here reflecting on my day - and wondering how I haven't fallen into pieces yet. I have been trying since June to work out my insurance for my surgery - there were 2 major obstacles.

One was from a previous employer, a year ago to be exact. They never notified the insurance carrier that I was no longer working for them, so they still had me on their records. I couldn't use the insurance, but it kept showing up on my caseworker's computer that I had "other insurance", so none of the bills were getting paid. Finally, after calling SC constantly for a month, I received a letter from them acknowledging that my insurance ended last year, 8/2/02. First battle won.......

Second issue was from one of employers that I am on a leave of absence from. One of these companies that don't have a "live" person to talk to - to verify dates of employment, last paycheck date, etc. You get a form, send it to corporate and wait. Unfortunately this corporate files the forms in the trash and doesn't respond. I call the store, talk to the HR manager and try to enlist his help. He gives my caseworker verbally all the info she needs to open my insurance back up, but wait - verbal is not good enough. She wants it in writing, which I can understand.

My caseworker tells me she has another website to go to and verify the info........she tries it and nothing. I get an 800 number for her to call, and set up a pin number for her - it doesn't work. Meanwhile, all my doctors and the hospital are breathing down my neck and all my caseworker says is "it's pending."

I am calm, and confident that things will work out in time - until this morning. My husband wakes me up by shrieking that I can't have my surgery, my insurance is cancelled, we'll have no food, etc. etc........yells at me to get downstairs and work on it <sigh> In case I hadn't mentioned it, he is manic-depressive and not on meds.

It took me all day to get it straightened out - my caseworker now has the documentation on a company letterhead which fixed that problem. I had to call my surgeon and make sure I wasn't rescheduled because of this.

The point to all this I guess is that I am so tired of juggling all the problems. My husband tells me that we are married so he is supposed to worry.........the problem with that is while he worries, he does nothing to help, except stress me out and yell at me continually. I have to constantly keep him calm, keep him in a good mood so he doesn't yell at our son, and worry AND fix any problems that come up, because he "can't". He wasn't worried about my insurance, he was worried about his stomach eating........how many rabbits do I have to keep pulling out of the hat, how many more balls can I juggle before someone worries about MY STRESS LEVEL?

Then he tells me that if it wasn't for me and our son, he would have killed himself a long time ago..........just what I needed to hear. I told him that keeping him calm 24/7 stresses me out and that he is not supportive of my emotional needs. When I told him to stop worrying about things before they happen and calm down, his wonderful reply was, "then f**k me and I can relax". Great, huh?

Thank god for this website.........it keeps me sane and I can vent - thank you all for putting up with me.

Mary Alice

[Rapunzel]

I'm sorry that you have so many things to deal with and the people around you are not being very helpful. On the other hand, it sounds like you have risen to the task and handled it, so good for you for dealing with all these obstacles. If you can make it through a day like this and not fall into pieces, there's not much you can't do. Go ahead and vent. That's what we're here for!
Hugs,
Wendy

[Peanut61]

Hi ((((Mary Alice)))): My Mom was manic-depressive, (what they called it in those days), so I can understand pretty well what having to be vigilent about another's mood 24 hours a day, and the chaos that often results anyway, is all about, and I really do empathize with you on how hard that is. I admire that you are, nonetheless, staying focused on getting everything arranged for your surgery. Once that is done and you are recovered, then maybe the issue of your husband not being on meds, etc., can be addressed = one thing at a time, with the primary goal of getting you thru this upcoming surgery = that's the main thing. Is the surgery on Wednesday did you say? Will be keeping you close in prayer! Your friend, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT :-)</font color=blue>

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}

You are such an inspiration....you are doing so well and should be very proud of all that you are accomplishing. Peanut is right....you need to take care of you right now as well as your son. That should be your first thought and you are to be commended for doing that.

I am so glad that you are posting here....venting works wonders and you know that so many here care for you and are wishing you well. Keep us posted when you can as to your surgery too ok? We will be here for you.

Take care
Hugs
Heather

<font color=blue>The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way </font color=blue>

[Zenobia]

{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}} Just a hug and a pat on the back for a hard day that you made it through. Good job and vent away.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

You all are so great! Yes, my surgery is Wed. morning, the 6th. I will be gone about 3-5 days depending upon how well the fusion takes. They are putting in more titanium and using this new protein thing called Infuse instead of my own bone - just in case it happens again. The next time will be far worse in terms of extending the fusion up more and he would need a lot of bone from my hips then....<sigh>. I think 3 times is enough though lol.

I was shocked when I read your compliments about my strength and stuff. Thank you all for those nice words - it is a rare thing to be complimented and normally makes me nervous because I have never felt worthy of things like that. My sole purpose of existing seems to be doing things for others and keeping everything run smoothly. My T is trying to make me realize I have value, that I mean something - it is a hard battle for him. For most of my life I have suppressed any and all emotion/feeling - no one has ever really cared about what I was going thru - until I met my T and now here on this site.

Thanks again for all your encouragement - it keeps me going.

Mary Alice

[Moonsilk]

Mary Alice,

I wish you the best of luck with your surgery - you are in my thoughts. I am sorry to hear things are so stressful for you right now, and I certainly hope things work out for the best, with both your insurance and your husband. On the latter, hopefully there will come a time when you and your husband can discuss his problems and get him the help he needs to manage his illness.

It takes a lot for you to be able to keep everything running smooth - amazing amounts of strength. Do not feel undeserving, most people would not be able to handle what you deal with on a day to day basis, but you do it. Amazing. ^^

Cheers to you, and I hope things become easier for you soon. As I said before, you are in my thoughts.

(((((Mary Alice)))))

Take care.