[Cygnus8548]

I have never discussed my psych problems with my children, although if I did maybe it would explain why I was not a more effective parent. Of course they are all adults now, with problems of their own. At this point, should I say or write anything?

[gayleggg]

I chose talking to my daughter. My first depressive eppisode was when she was 8. I could see it was leaving her with a lot of guilt, like she was responisble for my crying. So I chose to talk to her about it and explain why I sometimes cried for no reason. She learned to spot my depressive states and off to help and if she couldn't she went and entertained herself until I felt better. She became a school counselor, I think partly because of this early experience with depression.

I try to hide it when I'm depressed these days but my husband says I'm not fooling anyone.

[dancinglady]

I told my kids when they were young. I did not want them to have any quilt. They still have major problems but I did the best I could with what I had. I still have a lot of guilt but better me than them.

[IowaFarmGal]

I think it would be helpful for them to understand and know you did not intend some of the pain you might have caused them. I think understanding makes it easier to forgive than thinking things are done on purpose.

[baseline]

I agree with the above posts. My children know I try to be open with them and encourage them to be open with me. We are family and we can support each other during tough times. It also helps them to know that my issues have nothing to do with them! In fact they are the reason I hang in there!

[Cygnus8548]

well, maybe the children wish they could have told us about their problems, too.

[wing]

My kids all knew at about age 14. I talked to them individually at that age, but I figure that the oldest told the other two earlier than I planned. I wanted them to be aware of it, and talk openly about it with me in case they developed symptoms. Two of them ended up getting some visits to a therapist when they expressed some worry.

When they bring up some of the scary or "funny" things I did, I always say, "i know, i'm sorry you had to go through that. It makes me feel like a bad mother". I refused medication all during their childhood, I feel it was a selfish decision. Could I do it over, I would've taken my meds and told them only if I had symptoms or they asked what was wrong with me because I take pills every day. If stable, I also think I would have told them in a group session after telling them so a therapist could explain it better to them, and help them to recognize symptoms in themselves or me.

I think as adults, they can handle the truth, and there will be much support and communication in your family.