[dancinglady]

I have been under the care of pdocs, psych, LCSWs for 34 +/- years. I am now seeing one for maintenance. I think I am just too old for any big significant changes. I think it is too late for me. At this stage of life I think I am just waiting to die.

[CANDC]

Dancing lady, I have a friend that says to me that she is willing to change every day of her life. I like her spunk. She just keeps trying to find the joy in every day. I wish I could be like that!

What do you like to do that is creative? Are there any people you can reach out to that might be shutins that would welcome a call or a visit? It isn't necessary to do big acts, one small act of kindness can be the world to that someone receiving it.

What about helping some of the younger members at PC that are struggling with the same issues you and I struggled with.

You can do what ever you want but it is a good day when I reached out to help someone. else

[gayleggg]

Don't give up dancinglady. I felt the same way just a few months ago. With a major med change I am back to an undepressed state. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[IowaFarmGal]

I do wonder at this point if I ever will have a life. I just read on health news that running makes a person physically younger. They did a study with people in their 60's who hadn't been runners before and had them run 30 minutes 3 days a week. They compared it to walking for 30 minutes 3 days a week. Walking apparently won't do it. I need to do something, I'm feeling really old lately. I hope I don't break my hip on the ice...

[dancinglady]

Hey Iowa farm gal
I was raised in Iowa. It must be very isolating living on a farm in rural Iowa. I hope you are close to one of the major cities so you can enjoy some urban time. Just curious how do you spend your days. What keeps you busy? I am starting to be a homebody and was trying to find ways to fill up my time. I have zero creativity I have tried all of the arts and crafts sewing knitting writing etc.

[IowaFarmGal]

I'm at the end of a tough few years and not really active at the moment. I was doing flowers beds and landscaping plus working full time a few years ago. I was out walking trying to transition to running and had a routine. I've been so tied up with Mom with her broken hip and dementia and then cancer that it absorbed all my time. Now shes gone and it's hard to find my way back to doing anything. I have my therapy and a training program for seniors and that's about it for social. I barely have contact with family anymore, even my brother down the road.

I used to enjoy taking pictures on walks in the woods. I used to enjoy the baby chicks I raised. I built houses and runs for them trying to keep them safe from predators. I used to be part of the local democratic party. I volunteered at Seedsavers a nearby heirloom seed company, shipping last years leftover seed to nonprofit garden groups. I planted flowers trying to cheer Mom up after Dad died.

I'd like to be like Grandma, using all the fruits and nuts on the place and canning things for winter. She never wasted anything. She used to braid rugs from worn out woolens and make quilts from worn out clothes. Grandma's sister used to make pot holders from remnants and old clothes and stuff them with worn out thermal underwear. Grandma liked to play her accordion and sing. She made her own bread and baked goods and had a garden. I don't have any of those skills. I used to experiment with doing those things. I don't know how to care for the orchards or the grape vines or the raspberries. They just are running wild and the wildlife is eating them. I don't know how to use the lawn equipment even. The condition of the place is a reminder of my failure. I feel old.

[lizardlady]

IowaFarmGirl, I saw that same report on running. My first thought was that running when I was younger is what caused the arthritis in my knees that prevents me from running now! I noticed in your last post you compared yourself to others a lot. How about focusing on what you want to do and not on what others did? You mentioned how much time and energy caring for your mother took. I know after my mom died I was drained emotionally and physically. It took me a good bit of time before I had any interest, or the energy for, doing anything.

Dancinglady, maybe you could shift your focus to small changes instead of major changes? In terms of my mental health, I'm satisfied to maintain where I am. For the rest of things in life, I just don't have the energy to make any major changes. What's "wrong" with maintaining what we have?

[dancinglady]

Because I am not done. I lost all of my youth cuz of suffering with a MI. I had all the wrong treatment not that I didn't try to find the best. I have found it but it is too late in life so I cry a lot about my lost opportunities, money, relationships, marriage, grand kids, etc. I now just live with all of my physical problems that I would not have had if I would have the right childhood or the right treatment 34 years ago.

[IowaFarmGal]

It does seem like my youth was taken from me and now I'm old and have never managed to get anywhere in life. I have this farm, the one place that has some good memories associated with it and I don't want to lose it.

[Gus1234U]

i feel so fortunate that i didn't listen to those people who said i could never change, and that i didn't listen to myself when i said i should just die~!

now, i have changed, and i may have a small life, but it's ALL MINE~!

i continue to improve, slowly but surely, because i don't have anything else that interests me. i'm all alone, except for two cat-masters, who make sure i exercise; and my online friends, of course, who are as real to me as can be.

finally, late in life, i have discovered the secret of contentment~ Don't Worry~!

[Jolisse]

As long as I'm alive, I will never give up.

[SnakeCharmer]

Sorry you're feeling low, DancingLady. I think you've written before about feeling sad about the way your kids and other family members have drifted away and ignored you. It's extra hard around the holidays. Please take care of yourself and keep going. I know people can change even very late in life because I've seen it happen, and not just for a short time. It's very sad to look backwards and to see so many missed opportunities. If that's where we keep our gaze, we may miss opportunities in the here and now.

I've read some of your posts in other forums, DancingLady. They're well-written and show a mind that's still working, wondering and asking questions. Please don't miss the opportunity to become a contributing and sharing member of PsychCentral.

I almost dropped out after the first month because I felt I wasn't clicking here, so I looked at other forums, read many of the posts, even if I didn't write, and did my best to learn from the experiences and courage and even the despair and disappointment of other posters here.

Instead of giving into my impulse of feeling like I didn't fit, I decided to post at least twice every day in various threads. Sometimes to offer an opinion, sometimes to tell my story, sometimes to just offer support and a kind word.

I probably read 100 posts a day in various forums even though I may post only a few times. I give hugs or thank yous just to let other posters know that I read their posts and they're important. Maybe 10 times a day. I've read your posts, DancingLady, and maybe I've been neglectful and not let you know that I've been moved by your plight.

I hope you will take the opportunities PsychCentral provides to learn from others, to offer support and to get support back. There are so many nice people here. It's an opportunity to grow. Take care.

[wing]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Because I am not done. I lost all of my youth cuz of suffering with a MI. I had all the wrong treatment not that I didn't try to find the best. I have found it but it is too late in life so I cry a lot about my lost opportunities, money, relationships, marriage, grand kids, etc. I now just live with all of my physical problems that I would not have had if I would have the right childhood or the right treatment 34 years ago.

I feel in a similar way and for me it is a matter of accepting that I can't do anything over and trying to accept myself and my "new reality". I remind myself of this every day. Helps to keep me off an antidepressant, but it is a challenge every day.