[dancinglady]

Without a mental illness I could have been:
a very smart person with a good career and moved up the ladder like my colleagues;
could have had a lasting loving relationship with a husband;
could have had non-disabled intellectually and emotionally children;
could have had grandchildren;
could have had a good relationship with my parents;
could have had a lot of friends; and finally,
could have saved money for retirement and take a nice retirement.

What do I have:
emotionally and intellectually disabled children;
children who think and know I am crazy and want nothing to do with a MI mother;
children who blame me for everything;
no relationships whatsoever;
bottom of the career ladder;
money spent on numerous therapies, doctors, PT, OT etc.
no car;
no paid for home;
no grandchildren;
no retirement; and
work til I die.

I know this is all black thinking but this is where I am. Tired, exhausted and ready to give up. I know on my grave it will say she never gave up and always had hope that things would get better. Unfortunately it has not. Everyone says stay in the present so here is my present, I am a ticking time bomb, the docs don’t know what is causing my medical problems, have lost most of the feeling in my legs except my feet that continue to burn like I am standing on a bed of coals, fainting and passing out again no docs know what is wrong, breaking bones, staying on disability, not being able to work or drive, having no friends, no support, extranged from my sons who do not want or care to help me. Yes this is very sad, this is my life and I just will keep crying cuz there is no good present for me. Please do not tell me to look on the positive side, there is no positive side anymore.

[IowaFarmGal]

I wish there was a fix for it all, but there's no changing the past and it's getting late in life. I hope at least there will be a doctor who can figure it out and help you with the medical problems.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

MI is not your fault, you have tried the best you can.