[loulou2014]

Yesterday marked the 15th month of taking care of my mom at night.She will be 93 soon,has macular degeneration,diabetes & arthritis.Her mind is sharp,still likes to shop if she is able to get out.I am thankful that she is as well as she is for her age.I will be 68 in a few days myself & taking care of 2 households is wearing me down,I get 2 nights a month at home.Have been away so long my place has become a mess.There is just so much to do & I just dont have the energy to get stuff done.Just need someone to talk to.

[IowaFarmGal]

It's a tough stage of life to deal with. Are you the only child? I had three brothers but I might as well have been the only child. I always wondered how could they not realize that time was getting short. I would think they would want to have this last time with Mom. My Mom passed last year. It had been a long couple years with a broken hip, dementia, cancer and then a heart attack and brain hemorrhage took her. I was so tired too and things got into a terrible state around here, still trying to get things under control.

[Nammu]

Wow! I don't think people really appreciate how much caregivers like you do. No advice but I want to say how impressive that is and exhausting. I'm here to listen.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

You are being truly heroic, but everyone has limits. I don't suppose you can get help with home chores or a paid carer to help with your mum? For everyone's' sake and especially your own it is important that you retain your own health.

[loulou2014]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

It's a tough stage of life to deal with. Are you the only child? I had three brothers but I might as well have been the only child. I always wondered how could they not realize that time was getting short. I would think they would want to have this last time with Mom. My Mom passed last year. It had been a long couple years with a broken hip, dementia, cancer and then a heart attack and brain hemorrhage took her. I was so tired too and things got into a terrible state around here, still trying to get things under control.

Sorry you have had to go through so much.I have 2 sisters & 4 brothers living.have lost 2 brothers in the past 3 years,one sister comes 2 times a month & stays over night,the other one never offers to do anything.one brother will help if I ask.Both of them work full time & its hard for them to make time.

[IowaFarmGal]

I knew one caregiver had a daughter who would come stay with her Grandma overnight to give her Mom a break. Are there any responsible grandkids that would take a turn?

[loulou2014]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

I knew one caregiver had a daughter who would come stay with her Grandma overnight to give her Mom a break. Are there any responsible grandkids that would take a turn?

Mine live to far away & are to young,I will hang in here & look forward to the 2 nights I do get.My own home has become unfamiliar to me when I am here.Sometimes I think I am losing touch with reality.

[IowaFarmGal]

It takes a toll on the caregiver's health. Get what help you can. Is there an Agency on Aging that could help coordinate some services for your Mom?

[Little Lulu]

Is your mother able to afford/willing to consider an assisted living facility? some of them will allow people to stay for a month or so to see how it works out.

What about moving your mother in with you? Or look into getting some outside help to stay with your mom?

Taking care of your mother to the point of risking your own health and well-being won't be good for either of you. I hope you find an arrangement that works for both of you.

[loulou2014]

Originally Posted by Little Lulu

Is your mother able to afford/willing to consider an assisted living facility? some of them will allow people to stay for a month or so to see how it works out.

What about moving your mother in with you? Or look into getting some outside help to stay with your mom?

Taking care of your mother to the point of risking your own health and well-being won't be good for either of you. I hope you find an arrangement that works for both of you.

She was in a nursing home for 2 months last year(broken ribs),I dont know what they were giving her but she was really out of her head.We brought her home & she was ok.I live within walking distance of her house so thats no problem.mom wants me to do it all.I did look into getting help but she didnt want me to get someone, so I didnt.I have taken the burdens off mom for years,that is why she has lived 93 years! its ok,.....I am the oldest of 9 kids & we did have a hard life growing up,but thats another story.

No she couldn't afford an assisted living arrangement.Her house is very small & mine is to,she is just not happy unless she is home.its the house she grew up in &also the home she raised her family in.

[Little Lulu]

Then it sounds like you are at acceptance about caring for your mother. If you are going to do the job, then accepting 'what is' is the only reasonable thing to do. That doesn't mean you can't vent about it from time-to-time. Caregiving is very difficult work.

[Chickhen]

My house is full of clutter as a result of caring for my husband who past away last Sept. I understand and empathize with you. Any chance of getting help for your home? Maybe someone to do light housekeeping and some laundry?

If your mom is able to get out, can you bring her to your house as "company" while you do chores?

I am getting close to feeling like I can really start decluttering. I plan to hire someone to clean my main rooms, top to bottom, as a reward when I get them decluttered. I'll do the same when I get the 3 bedrooms decluttered.

[loulou2014]

Originally Posted by Chickhen

My house is full of clutter as a result of caring for my husband who past away last Sept. I understand and empathize with you. Any chance of getting help for your home? Maybe someone to do light housekeeping and some laundry?

If your mom is able to get out, can you bring her to your house as "company" while you do chores?

I am getting close to feeling like I can really start decluttering. I plan to hire someone to clean my main rooms, top to bottom, as a reward when I get them decluttered. I'll do the same when I get the 3 bedrooms decluttered.

I dont think there has ever been enough money printed to pay someone to clean for me LOL.its that bad !Hubby likes to buy junk at yard sales & such,he piles it up on the washer & dryer & all over the house.I have to fight my way to the appliances when I use them.He will do the dishes 1 or 2 times a month and a load of laundry now & then.Its good that you can get help & declutter,I have begin to hide things in the bottom of the trash can.I need to have a yard sale or just sneak it to a charity store.He dont want to part with any of it.
Mom only goes shopping,she couldn sit still long enough for me to get anything done.She has been to my house maybe 2 times in the past 2 years.

[loulou2014]

Just checking in,have a heel spur or something causing a lot of pain.I have to be on my feet all day & half the night.Going to Dr tomorrow,still tired & weary,hanging in there.So much I didn't get done while the weather was warm.But there is always spring to look forward to,maybe I can get my energy back then.
Mom is doing well,didn't want a 93rd birthday party,had cake & ice cream with a few family members.Says parties wear her out !

[loulou2014]

Mom is doing well,I am still worn out.Had an xray on my heel,no heel spur.Must be arthritis,living with pain in both feet & legs.Need energy to keep up with it all.