[Rigje]

Yes - its like that - I am working on trying to reach out because i am struggling - Its hard to have it happen again - I always think i have a handle on who i am but then it hits in a new way - with a new low - something i havent had happen before - and I think the world is going to end

But it doesnt - and as someone reminded me today- DEPRESSION LIES - wow - why cant i keep that close in my mind ???

I figure there are people here that have weathered similar or worse stuff - that we have all learned lessons -

the fact is - that my own inner climate changes so quickly and when it does, it DEMANDS my attention - everything being pushed on me through therapy, is about CBT - yeah, thats great - but that kind of hinges on KNOWING what the F IS GOING ON in the first place - and when i think - and i think A LOT - i dont think - "oh i should really understand if this is helping or not" - NO - I think the worst most awful crap until it just about kills me and then i finally come to figure - maybe this is not right... maybe something i believe isnt right -

Sometimes i lose that moment completely, it totally leaves and doesnt return. The day or thought changes and then there is something new to take its place. I might almost be able to handle that except there is usually some very smart person who just loves to point out stuff - gotta love them right?

Ok thats enough whining

I know there is some good to share too - I am pretty amazing for making it this far in life - for keeping my sobriety through all the horrible crap that i can think at any one moment - for not tearing apart my family ( or most of it anyway ) - for continuing to try every day

I would very much like to get it more right than wrong for the rest of the time i have here -

It was a member from this group's signature that i cant completely remember - but it made a difference to me tonight - the members' name was Yoda - It said that the purpose of life is not to be happy - but to live in a way where we can make a difference -

So thanks for the support -even though you havent met me - but you showed up to tell your stuff - cause it does help -

thanks for listening
R

[Gus1234U]

i have a new private joke: i don't have PTSD, i have Distress Coversion Disorder. really, just thinking differently about the crap that's happening is good, but it's still happening~

i listen to the Binaural Beats (you can find them online) to help my brain keep it's balance. hope to hear more from you soon~

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rigje.

[Rigje]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rigje.

What i really want are answers - to how to get out of this depression - I manage to do things every day - but i feel so dead inside - there is no joy - and i feel like the worst awful - shut down - i hide it from people mostly

[Gus1234U]

when i was living with deep depression, i learned coping skills that i later found out were also used by Prisoners of War in Japan and Korea (the worst of the worst). essentially, wanting out is just wanting... learning to live with what you have is critical to having a life.

since i have overcome being depressed, but not yet from having memory damage, i cannot list the skills i used. but i do remember that i made little quotes for myself, like: practice practice practice; and delay, defer, distract. the really important part is to hold on to what sanity you retain, and look for any kind of goodness, focus on that. "the Mind magnifies what it is focused upon."

best wishes~

[pixiefey]

The worst thing about my deep depression way thinking it would never end and that I was alone. It did end and I realised I wasn't alone that there were people going through what I had and people do care. So keep posting .