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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: Seattle
Posts: 735
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#1
Gotta say it don’t get any easier. So my doctor wants me to do some medical tests - easy for him to say. I don’t really have anybody around that can take me to medical appointments or stay with me after - this is a problem as I get older. I know you’re saying hire somebody - definitely an option but still depressing. This just makes my inability to form relationships that much more devastating..... life rubs your nose in it once again.... Dealing with emotional stuff is a drag - throw in physical stuff and the fun really begins. Anyway I was just reflecting on my ridiculous situation once again - old habits die hard.... Gotta go feel sorry for myself some more!!!!!
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*Beth*, Anonymous45521, bpcyclist, emgreen, Goforward, here today, Mopey, Nammu, nonightowl, possum220, unaluna, winter4me
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
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#2
When i was living with my mother in the previous decade, i went to the hospital a couple of times. One time my roommate was an Italian lady even older than me. I arrived in the room rather late at night, and she wasnt sleeping well. The nurse even offered to move me to a different room. I said she wasnt bothering me, but i thought the old woman's shoulders were bothering her, as i had recognized some italian words in her crying out.
Trust me, this story is going somewhere! Im sorry if im repeating myself. Turns out, it WAS her shoulders bothering her. When her family came in the next morning, they thanked me for helping, the drs and nurses all thanked me for helping, they even gave me a free parking pass. I felt like a hero. They also then hired someone to sit with her the next two nights. So just saying, its a thing. Even if you have family. Also, yeah im in the same boat. I dont think they can force you to have friends. |
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#3
I am with you. I would volunteer but I live on the other side of the country. I might have to have a surgery that I should have had as a kid (when I had a whole supportive family around) but now I have no one.
I really wish there was a website where people in this position could agree to help those in a similar situation. |
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Macd123, possum220, Travelinglady
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*Beth*, here today, Travelinglady
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#4
I raised my children thinking they'd care for me as I aged. Well, they're totally into their careers and certainly have "no time" for me. I don't have any grandchildren and don't expect to. I am married, but my husband and I haven't lived together for over a decade. We are close friends; he'll take out my garbage now and then, but accompanying me to a medical appointment? Pffft. And, he's in his 70's. I don't have any friends that I'm close to.
The problem is huge and ugly in our society. The loneliness and isolation is so, so painful. And doctors act like we all have a large and devoted family to care for us. My heart goes out to you, Macd. __________________ Last edited by *Beth*; Feb 17, 2020 at 06:32 PM.. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
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#5
Sorry for your situation and I don't have any suggestions or advice to give you. However, I feel like this thread is right up my alley right now.
I have a medical concern for myself right now. I have some appointments within a couple of weeks for tests to see what is going on. I had prostate cancer surgery five years ago. Since after the surgery from back then and up to right now, there seems to be some trace of cancer(?) possibly. So that's why I'm going for these tests coming up. At where I reside I only have just one friend. He's very old and has limits. I have acquaintances at work but I don't know if they could be of any help if I'm in the position that I can't help myself. After I had the surgery five years ago, some people at the church I was going to volunteered food for me. That was nice but disappointing since the quality of the food was not healthy, it seemed. Plus no one at that church ever checked up on me to see how I was doing. My friend, at that time, had gone to Europe for three weeks just as I got home from the hospital. Now the big issue is that I have a sister who lives 3000 miles from me. She told me I could move in with her. That's a good idea on paper, but I prefer not to do that. Her house is very chaotic and there's just too much going on that would be overwhelming for me, especially if I'm not well. It's a long story. I could reiterate if anyone wants me to. I think that Emily had a very good idea on this. |
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#6
It doesn't seem to be an easy seller. There aren't any such sights. Though their is a site called stich that is for people over a certain age to make friends.
I have one year until I have to get a colonoscopy. I have no idea who I am going to ask to do it. I suppose the best choice is to hire a nurse or something. I have heard that if you ask someone at work they can get time under FMLA to take you so they might be inclined... but how can I work with someone who has done that? |
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*Beth*, unaluna
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Legendary
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#7
Yep, it’s not a good thing to deal with. When doctors find out that I live on my own and do not have some one to be with afterwards they book me in for an overnight stay. I would prefer to be back in my own bed.
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*Beth*, Nammu
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
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#8
My sister hired some kind of angels to sit with her for colonoscopy and to drive.....they do have services
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catches the flowers
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#9
The thing about hiring people though is that it requires money. Many seniors are living with very tight finances.
(btw, I hope a mod moves this thread to the Seniors board.) __________________ |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: Seattle
Posts: 735
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#10
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emgreen, Goforward, here today, possum220
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Travelinglady
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: Seattle
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#11
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here today, Sometimes psychotic, Travelinglady
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
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#12
No, you're not a debbie downer! The issue you've brought up is one most seniors have to cope with. The first way to change something is to bring it into the light. There's something in not being "the only one"...
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
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#13
I am sorry. I know that it’s tough. Now come think of it even people with families and kids can be in the same situation. If my daughter flew home every time I had a medical procedure, she’d be broke and likely lose her job because of taking too much time off. Certainly I’d not expect her to fly to take me to colonoscopy. Not realistic. Not everyone has their family living next door. I’d say it’s good to have decent relationship with neighbors, coworkers and maybe couple of trusted friends (people from church or hobby group etc).
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
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#14
This is a huge problem. When I lived in Austin tx, a huge city there was limited rides for seniors and most of the volunteers were seniors themselves. Thankfully my insurance had a service that gave rides to and from appointments. I moved back to my home state now where my daughter and several relatives live. So far tho I've only had one procedure that I needed a ride to. A huge change from when I was basicly alone and went to a spinal fusion with nobody there. Recovery was lonely.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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*Beth*
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*Beth*, Travelinglady
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: Seattle
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#15
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Travelinglady
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Location: USA
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#16
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*Beth*, Travelinglady
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Desert Kitty hates titles
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#17
I can relate, as I don't have anyone to take me to appointments either. At the moment I don't need anything, but I constantly worry about "what if____?"
I'm stuck in all kinds of Catch 22's, as I'm not "old enough" for many senior services or don't qualify otherwise. There's a non-profit that offers members things like rides to the doctor, help around the house, friendly visit, etc. but it's expensive. About $500 a year or something, which is roughly $50 a month. That's too much for a lot of people. The people who do these things are volunteers. Wonderful thing they are doing, but it's not for low-income people due to the cost. It seems you have to pay to even have company in this country. I also hate how doctors or hospitals expect one to have SOMEBODY to care about you or pick you up after surgery. They just can't accept the FACT that some people don't have any family or friends, even a neighbor. I have a couple of friends, but neither of them can drive. Here they won't even do a procedure unless you can prove someone will pick you up. They won't let you take a cab. I don't know about Uber---I don't use that. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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#18
It is sad. I have a husband who is very good about helping--and friends--and a very loving church, but not everybody does. Helping people who are alone could be a great ministry--maybe even some younger person starting a company with very reasonable rates to carry people to appointments and stay with them.
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*Beth*, nonightowl
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#19
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I also think that if you DO need to pay a stranger to take you home and be with you, your insurance needs to pay for that too. I also find it strange that there is no non profit for this. There seems to be a non profit for everything but not this. Maybe some of us should write our elected officials -- they seem to respond to everyone else. |
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#20
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