Alone, old and Medical procedures

Gotta say it don’t get any easier. So my doctor wants me to do some medical tests - easy for him to say. I don’t really have anybody around that can take me to medical appointments or stay with me after - this is a problem as I get older. I know you’re saying hire somebody - definitely an option but still depressing. This just makes my inability to form relationships that much more devastating..... life rubs your nose in it once again.... Dealing with emotional stuff is a drag - throw in physical stuff and the fun really begins. Anyway I was just reflecting on my ridiculous situation once again - old habits die hard.... Gotta go feel sorry for myself some more!!!!!

When i was living with my mother in the previous decade, i went to the hospital a couple of times. One time my roommate was an Italian lady even older than me. I arrived in the room rather late at night, and she wasnt sleeping well. The nurse even offered to move me to a different room. I said she wasnt bothering me, but i thought the old woman's shoulders were bothering her, as i had recognized some italian words in her crying out.

Trust me, this story is going somewhere! Im sorry if im repeating myself.

Turns out, it WAS her shoulders bothering her. When her family came in the next morning, they thanked me for helping, the drs and nurses all thanked me for helping, they even gave me a free parking pass. I felt like a hero.

They also then hired someone to sit with her the next two nights. So just saying, its a thing. Even if you have family.

Also, yeah im in the same boat. I dont think they can force you to have friends.

I am with you. I would volunteer but I live on the other side of the country. I might have to have a surgery that I should have had as a kid (when I had a whole supportive family around) but now I have no one.

I really wish there was a website where people in this position could agree to help those in a similar situation.

I raised my children thinking they'd care for me as I aged. Well, they're totally into their careers and certainly have "no time" for me. I don't have any grandchildren and don't expect to. I am married, but my husband and I haven't lived together for over a decade. We are close friends; he'll take out my garbage now and then, but accompanying me to a medical appointment? Pffft. And, he's in his 70's. I don't have any friends that I'm close to.

The problem is huge and ugly in our society. The loneliness and isolation is so, so painful. And doctors act like we all have a large and devoted family to care for us.

My heart goes out to you, Macd.

Sorry for your situation and I don't have any suggestions or advice to give you. However, I feel like this thread is right up my alley right now.

I have a medical concern for myself right now. I have some appointments within a couple of weeks for tests to see what is going on. I had prostate cancer surgery five years ago. Since after the surgery from back then and up to right now, there seems to be some trace of cancer(?) possibly. So that's why I'm going for these tests coming up.

At where I reside I only have just one friend. He's very old and has limits. I have acquaintances at work but I don't know if they could be of any help if I'm in the position that I can't help myself.

After I had the surgery five years ago, some people at the church I was going to volunteered food for me. That was nice but disappointing since the quality of the food was not healthy, it seemed. Plus no one at that church ever checked up on me to see how I was doing. My friend, at that time, had gone to Europe for three weeks just as I got home from the hospital.

Now the big issue is that I have a sister who lives 3000 miles from me. She told me I could move in with her. That's a good idea on paper, but I prefer not to do that. Her house is very chaotic and there's just too much going on that would be overwhelming for me, especially if I'm not well. It's a long story. I could reiterate if anyone wants me to.

I think that Emily had a very good idea on this.

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Originally Posted by will19 I think that Emily had a very good idea on this.

It doesn't seem to be an easy seller. There aren't any such sights. Though their is a site called stich that is for people over a certain age to make friends.

I have one year until I have to get a colonoscopy. I have no idea who I am going to ask to do it.

I suppose the best choice is to hire a nurse or something.

I have heard that if you ask someone at work they can get time under FMLA to take you so they might be inclined... but how can I work with someone who has done that?

Yep, it’s not a good thing to deal with. When doctors find out that I live on my own and do not have some one to be with afterwards they book me in for an overnight stay. I would prefer to be back in my own bed.

My sister hired some kind of angels to sit with her for colonoscopy and to drive.....they do have services

The thing about hiring people though is that it requires money. Many seniors are living with very tight finances.

(btw, I hope a mod moves this thread to the Seniors board.)

Wow I didn’t mean to be such a Debbie downer - I’m really sad that this happens. The human condition is something I’ve struggled with forever - why so alone I ask.... never get an answer - thanks

Yeah this is the way I’ll probably go - Assisting Angels are nurses for hire - not that cheap though but at least it’s something..... 👍

No, you're not a debbie downer! The issue you've brought up is one most seniors have to cope with. The first way to change something is to bring it into the light. There's something in not being "the only one"...

I am sorry. I know that it’s tough. Now come think of it even people with families and kids can be in the same situation. If my daughter flew home every time I had a medical procedure, she’d be broke and likely lose her job because of taking too much time off. Certainly I’d not expect her to fly to take me to colonoscopy. Not realistic. Not everyone has their family living next door. I’d say it’s good to have decent relationship with neighbors, coworkers and maybe couple of trusted friends (people from church or hobby group etc).

This is a huge problem. When I lived in Austin tx, a huge city there was limited rides for seniors and most of the volunteers were seniors themselves. Thankfully my insurance had a service that gave rides to and from appointments. I moved back to my home state now where my daughter and several relatives live. So far tho I've only had one procedure that I needed a ride to. A huge change from when I was basicly alone and went to a spinal fusion with nobody there. Recovery was lonely.

Recovery is the worst - especially if you can’t get around. I feel your pain.... 😇

I don't know where your from but try looking in your phone book for CIL "centers for Independent living" you can usually get very low cost or free PCAS if your elderly or disabled , they are there to help you live in your home and community .

I can relate, as I don't have anyone to take me to appointments either. At the moment I don't need anything, but I constantly worry about "what if____?"

I'm stuck in all kinds of Catch 22's, as I'm not "old enough" for many senior services or don't qualify otherwise.

There's a non-profit that offers members things like rides to the doctor, help around the house, friendly visit, etc. but it's expensive. About $500 a year or something, which is roughly $50 a month. That's too much for a lot of people. The people who do these things are volunteers. Wonderful thing they are doing, but it's not for low-income people due to the cost.

It seems you have to pay to even have company in this country.

I also hate how doctors or hospitals expect one to have SOMEBODY to care about you or pick you up after surgery. They just can't accept the FACT that some people don't have any family or friends, even a neighbor. I have a couple of friends, but neither of them can drive.

Here they won't even do a procedure unless you can prove someone will pick you up. They won't let you take a cab. I don't know about Uber---I don't use that.

It is sad. I have a husband who is very good about helping--and friends--and a very loving church, but not everybody does. Helping people who are alone could be a great ministry--maybe even some younger person starting a company with very reasonable rates to carry people to appointments and stay with them.

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Originally Posted by nonightowl [I also hate how doctors or hospitals expect one to have SOMEBODY to care about you or pick you up after surgery. They just can't accept the FACT that some people don't have any family or friends, even a neighbor. I have a couple of friends, but neither of them can drive.

I completely agree. It disgusts me. What is next... I should bring my own bandages and surgical tools from home?

I also think that if you DO need to pay a stranger to take you home and be with you, your insurance needs to pay for that too.

I also find it strange that there is no non profit for this. There seems to be a non profit for everything but not this.

Maybe some of us should write our elected officials -- they seem to respond to everyone else.

It's the whole cost shifting hospitals are doing ,you get forced to have someone transport you and monitor you for complications , if the surgery is so safe why I fo I need somebody to make sure I don't die ,we used to nurses in hospitals for that? Bring your own surgical kit ,I love it ,and they call me cynical ! It makes as much sense as down south you can hitbthe drive thru cocktail place for a big gulp sized rum and coke or your favorite alcohol ,and somehow because they put masking tape on the straw gole it's legal and they aren't resposable if you drink and drive ,masking tape wouldn't keep a kindergartners pasta collage hanging on the fridge ,but it will keep you from drinking and driving? I don't think so ,surgery isn't any safer or less expensive but hospitals are sticking us with the costs of care ,instead of getting underpaid by health insurances, they make it our problem .

There is a local non-profit sort of near me that does offer rides for people who don't have anyone, and they are volunteers. But as mentioned below, it ain't cheap. Seems like this country really is for wealthy people, or someone wants it to be.

I forgot to say that I think it gets much harder for make new friends as one gets older and has been out of school a long time. And I recently found out someone whom I thought was a friend and actually cared about me doesn't care as much as I thought. I've already tried to keep expectations low and it seems I have to lower them even more.

I've never forgotten about how this doctor insisted I must have somebody that will pick me up. He just didn't want to accept that I didn't. I almost started to cry, realizing how so UNAWARE people are about how many people don't have anyone.

Macd123, I know you feel alone, and me too, so I wanted to say that in this sense, you're not alone.

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Originally Posted by nonightowl I've never forgotten about how this doctor insisted I must have somebody that will pick me up. He just didn't want to accept that I didn't. I almost started to cry, realizing how so UNAWARE people are about how many people don't have anyone.

Yes I have had that too. It is really disingenuous because most people I meet have no one.

I no longer believe that medical care doesn't believe you have no one, simply put, they don't care.

It is just another way to cut corners on expenses.

The "friend" is the perfect person to watch you. If this is farmed out to a stranger there is the possibility that the family will sue the stranger's company if something goes wrong. But most people won't sue the friend.

Kind of a good thought... I have a friend (and when I say that I mean someone I know on facebook who lives 300+ miles from me) that constantly seems to be having medical procedures that at least to me seem unnecessary.

And I wonder sometimes if she will end up in worse health than me because she has a loving husband to care for her and thus... will have any procedure her doctor throws at her.

While I only have what I absolutely have to.

Good point, Emily. I think we need to really think about surgery. I'm even having trouble with a "simple" knee replacement that I needed. Insurance has not approved a gastric bypass my doc wanted me to have, so I've decided not to get it.

Recently I talked to a social worker at this non-profit that is supposed to help seniors find resources they need. I spent about an hour and half talking to her in person and filling out forms, giving them a lot of personal info. One of the questions was how much support I have in my life, no matter what kind (financial, emotional, etc). I put "not much".

That was about a month ago, and so far I never hear from her. I left her a message a week ago, then another yesterday. It doesn't feel good when people don't respond to me. It sends the message that I'm not important or they can't help with this issue.

Then SAY so. I don't know if this social worker is an incompetent one, wasn't in the office last week, is on vacation, or doesn't even work there anymore. Her extension doesn't have a personalized greeting or even her name on it. Maybe the turnover is high. It just says "The person at this extension is not available." If she was out, I wish someone filled in for her, but maybe since it's a non-profit, they have a skeleton crew. Non-profits are usually understaffed.

I know I'm not old enough for most of their services, but I'm trying to get whatever help I CAN get. And nobody bleeping calls me BACK.

Now I'm wondering if I wasted my time. It's a bit early to complain, and I'm not even sure if it's worth it. So hard to get help you need, as they put so many age restrictions and other criteria on it, then sometimes the people aren't competent on top of all of that. Or don't have the courtesy to communicate.