When parents get dementia

I think my mom is getting dementia. She's 86 and pretty much an upbeat person but recently she's getting so angry over little things. She wants me to call everyday and check in. For some reason she has got it in her head that I may be dead at my house. So I have been calling her every day, but then I got this very sarcastic message from her saying if I could work her in my schedule to call her. So I called and got the answering machine, and I left a message. The next day I called , no answer, I left a message. Today I called and no answer, I left a message. I emailed her boyfriend and explained my side of what was going on and asked if she was okay. Hopefully he will answer me soon. She's always been very spiteful. I'm concerned that if it is dementia she is going to get much worse. I feel exhausted with it.

I hope she’s alright. I’m sending you strength to deal with this. It’s very anxiety provoking and challenging to help an aging parent who is deteriorating, especially mentally.

I hope she is ok. But if not then you have my deepest sympathy, I went through this with my Mum.

I took Mum to a memory clinic to be seen by a Psychologist dealing with older people's issues. Do you have anything like that over there? She would get a diagnosis and possibly some medication.

Unfortunately the progression of dementia can't be stopped, but it can be slowed down to an extent.

Of course that's assuming your Mum is willing to go to such an appointment.

There are memory care places here but I don't think she would even go for an examination. She has to be the one in control and making the decisions. Most of the time she is okay. Just sometimes she gets crazy ideas and has to take it out on someone.

My mom was mentally ill; towards the end of her life my sisters and I thought she might have been developing some signs of dementia. But really, neither of my parents live long enough to develop typical old-age dementia.

It does not sound like a fun ride with your mom. I certainly hope it doesn't get any worse for you.

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Originally Posted by Trace14 I think my mom is getting dementia. She's 86 and pretty much an upbeat person but recently she's getting so angry over little things. She wants me to call everyday and check in. For some reason she has got it in her head that I may be dead at my house. So I have been calling her every day, but then I got this very sarcastic message from her saying if I could work her in my schedule to call her. So I called and got the answering machine, and I left a message. The next day I called , no answer, I left a message. Today I called and no answer, I left a message. I emailed her boyfriend and explained my side of what was going on and asked if she was okay. Hopefully he will answer me soon. She's always been very spiteful. I'm concerned that if it is dementia she is going to get much worse. I feel exhausted with it.

My mom stubbornly refuses an inpatient assistance. When we fight her on that it is hellish. When we assure her she can stay in her home she is better.

I try to recount wonderful memories we had together and we share some good times. When you do reach her, maybe find out when is good time to call she will answer?

I finally talked to her tonight and she acted like nothing had happened. She stressed me out and taught me a lesson I guess. She's got to have that control over everything, even people.

I suspect she has some memory problems, if not any dementia. And, of course, if your parent is mentally ill, that plays into the mix. Or she might just be worrying you'll die and she won't have anyone to help her--or she'll miss you.....

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this issue. It's hard.

I think since dad died of suicide she worries that I may take that route also since he and I were so much alike. I haven't given her any reason to think that but she's seen the difference in me after finding him. She says she worries about the CPAP as well. When she acts like this though it brings up a lot of past emotional stuff with her and childhood and I can't talk to her about it.

Sounds like that might be behind her worrying about you, sure enough.

By the way, hello, fellow Tar Heel (from the state of NC, not necessarily someone who went to UNC-Chapel Hill) !

I think she uses the worry excuse to control me though. If her spiteful actions don't work then "don't worry me" is plan "B" I have stood up to her spiteful actions before and we have not talked for months. It was not a good time for either of us. I've never given her any reason to doubt my love for her, or my mental stability, though she may think since I'm seeing a therapist I am less than stable. It's frustrating.

Yes, it could be an attempt to control. It's hard to know what her thinking is. It could just be poor memory, or possibly dementia, as you suggest.

My dad does it. If I or my brother don’t call for a day, he doesn’t pick up the phone next day and then later tells us that since no one calls him he sees no need to keep his phone on. Honestly although it might be age related, he’s been always this way. So I doubt it’s dementia. He is pretty sharp at 83.

Well we found out today mom has pre Leukemia. All her blood work is so low and messed up. She will be 87 in February. She has a long hard road ahead of her. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through this and be strong for her.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she can be healed of that. It's true that some physical health issues can cause dementia. Here's an article that lists some of them. It doesn't specifically include bladder infections, but they can cause confusion!

Diagnostic Approach to the Confused Elderly Patient - American Family Physician

Travelinglady is right. Other infections can cause confusion which, at your mother's age, can be misdiagnosed as dementia. Chest infections are another cause.

Please seek professional help because you need to take care of yourself.

As I've mentioned before, your mother sounds like mine. There's no underlying factor for her attitude to me, she's just horrible and always has been. As my aunt (her sister) commented to me recently "Now I realise it's not all you". That was after a long discussion on recent events.

Well we have found out she's pre leukemia. Her hemoglobin is very low 7.3 , her platelets are very low as well as her WBC. She's going to have a bone marrow test soon and hopefully we can get some answers. She has had some transfusions which neither helped or hurt according to her. I can tell her short term memory is getting worse. I'm sure the lack of oxygen from the low hemoglobin is not helping.

Yes, low oxygen can make memory worse, I'd think.

@Trace14 sorry for you and your mom. Getting later on in life there are many challenges. My mom is in the stage where she still knows who her children are, but she asks the same question 3-5 times in the same telephone call.

With her I am not sure if she even knows she is changing. She still tells me I am not losing it. The saving grace is she is still laughing. Maybe the wine helps. I guess so.

I am not worried about parents getting dementia. I am worried about me getting dementia.

pachyderm I hear you. No one wants to get dementia. Harvard put out some ways that may help us avoid that outcome. What can you do to avoid Alzheimer’s disease? - Harvard Health

I see this article was connected to the one CANDC posted.

Drinking both coffee and tea linked to lower risks for stroke and dementia - Harvard Health