[Brian37]

anyone struggling with pornography?

would like to hear from others

Brian

[Maven]

I'm not, but you might be interested in knowing about a recent episode of TRUE LIFE on MTV. Here's the show's website:

http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/truelife/series.jhtml

[RiverX]

Not one of my things, but the S. addiction fellowships have a lot of people who ID with that one. SA or SAA.

good luck.

[JDPreacher]

What constitutes your addiction? I'm happily married have sex four or five times a week and I still like to look at the mags and sometimes vids from time to time...

If it's interferring with your day to day activities and consuming all your money and time, is that what you consider addiction?

[Brian37]

money.....yes

inability to ejaculate with wife during intercourse...yes (yes it can happen)

avoiding family...yes

buying into the pornography is "harmless", all men do it......yes

"fantasy" relationships from pornograhy...yes

[Brian37]

and please remember that sexual addiction is not about sex

the core basis lies in the person's feelings of lonliness, fear of intimacy, and longing for lasting relationships that were avoided or missing from an earlier period or childhood

[Sad In TX]

have you tried any support groups that deal with this kind of thing? I'm in NA, and I know there are groups like this for sexual addiction. Here's a link:
http://www.sexaa.org/mlist18.htm

Check them out. You are admitting your addiction, which is huge. Now the work begins. The best thing to do in these meeting is just listen, and realize that there are many others like you. It's amazing how many people share your addiction, and how many will want to help you. Even if you're not very religious, it does help to know that there are people out there that can help.

[Brian37]

my therapist wants me to attend a meeting...im terrified

[Sad In TX]

I know. When I first went to NA I cried the entire time. It was surreal being in a place I thought I never would be, but the people there aren't there to judge. They are there because they know what you are going through. They know through first-hand experience what you are going through.
If you can, just muster up the courage to go. I think you will be relieved, and surprised at the out-pouring of support you will receive.
Good luck. Let me know how you're doing...

[Brian37]

thanks for the list

ive made the first call

tomorrow is the meeting...ugh

[Sad In TX]

No problem. Let me know how it goes, and I really wish you the best. It's not easy to do, but when you see that there are others who share your addiction you won't feel so alone and ashamed of what is going on.

[Brian37]

went to my first SAA meeting last night...not as bad as I thought it would be...mixed group of 12 men...some old...some younger...some pretty weird!

all they ask is you try 6 meetings, then decide for yourself

i'll be back next week

[Sad In TX]

Good. I'm glad it went well. Yeah, it is weird at first, but at least you are around people who understand. It might take you a while to open up still, but you're there. You've gotten to the hard part. Now talking might be harder. That's ok. You talk when you are ready...

[Brian37]

not doing well with my addiction...also find it hard because no one on this forum seems to be in the same arena with me...

SAA meetings arent much help although i havent done enough to really get a sense of whats going on

oh well

[Maven]

Have you tried an online support group? Here's some links I found from a quick Google:

Sexual Recovery Help Online Resources
Sexual Addiction Support Groups
Google Directory Sexual Addiction Support Groups

im sure ur not the only one here who struggles with this..
ur a brave guy for standing up and saying its a problem..
and congrats on going to the meetings..
i hope u find something that helps u thru this..

[david 144]

Hey man I know what your going through I'm new here so its hard for me too but we will find the help we need I'm hoping this helps me

[Brian37]

i missed my SAA meeting last night....had to get a hair cut....lame excuse I know

[Ztrauq]

Hey Brian. You're not alone. and mine is very very complicated. very.
i do invent lame excuses to avoid therapy too.

Hey Brian,

Been dealing with sexual addiction for 20 years (actually, longer than that) and at the age of 42, I've discovered that although my "acting out" has not been of the level that it causes major dysfunction, it has kept and does keep me from becoming more mature in other areas of my life. A functional addict as it were, but an addict nonetheless. My addiction has caused me to make some bad decision which I regret deeply.

I've got stories, but I've got to get ready for work. That said, I was up last night until about 2 am looking at porn and masturbating. And that was a good night.

TTYL

[Brian37]

id like to hear the stories

my wife and I agreed to install porn-blocking software on my work computer....its been two weeks and yes it works....but that hasnt prevented me from seeking other avenues

havent beent to SAA meetings for awhile........

progress not perfection is the key

[jerrymichele]

I read one of your post that all men are into pornography, and I know that is not true. My husband does not own any type of porn. I also know some other people who do not own any either. Personally I think that any type of porn is disgusting, but I don't judge someone who does do it. Unless it is a grown person watching a child. Then I really think that there is a problem with that.

[Brian37]

if I said that all men are into pornography, it was an error on my part
(don't think I stated that)

we must remember that sexual addiction is not about sex....it goes to the core issue of failed relationships, lonliness, abandonment, and the inability to form intimate relationships....

there is a member in my SAA group who has never looked at pornography,but is a sex addict nontheless....

[Jfs1228]

Brian, go to the meeting. It is terrifying but the meetings I went to were very welcoming. I went to SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Annon.) for 3 years and it was a great help. If nothing else I developed a super support network and some great friends. It helped me figure out what my triggers are and people that could help me avoid those people/places. SA, SAA, SLAA all have different approaches. If you attend one and don't like it either try another meeting (I went to 2-3 different meetings a week and they were very different) or try another group. I didn't talk in a meeting for probably a month or more. Nobody judges you about what you say or have done. It's a great support. Let us know how your first meeting goes. Which A group are you attending? Good luck man.

[Jfs1228]

Brian, my addiction wasn't porn but it sometimes caused me to "act out". Anonymous sex with men was my thing (always safe) but porn was sometimes a trigger. The meetings helped me figure out wha set me off and why I was acting out. It was hard to get started but then going to meetings became something I wanted to do. Great people, good friends, a lot of support. Give it a chance. Good luck. Get to a meeting!!