Masturbation to even up loneliness

I masturbate just to get rid of feeling lonely. What can I do for it?

Don't tell me to go out and socialize because I just can't during these times.

you may find some good feedback in the Men-Focused Support forum.

I'm not sure, I think I do the same thing sometimes

This may help you out:

http://www.sexualcontrol.com/work-wi...addiction.html

My T is a sex addiction specialist. They use the phrase H.A.L.T.
That means we want to act out when we have any one or more of these:

Hungry
Angery
Lonely
Tired

It's a nervous habit; it does get rid of the nervous energy and anxiety the loneliness causes (you know it would be better to go out and be social/with others) but you don't want to continue the habit because it can interfere with successful sexual activity with another person.

I would find an active activity like running or something that allows you to be "around" other people but not necessarily have to interact that much. That might help with getting you and and about in a less anxiety-producing way where you can get to know others more slowly. Sign up for a half marathon that also includes "training" classes or just sign up for training classes, don't pressure yourself to actually run the marathon if you don't want to; something like this in your area (check with your local hospital, they often have benefit marathons and stuff):

http://www.runwildmissoula.org/index...ingClasses.htm

Or join a charity activity like Habitat for Humanity where you're working on a goal around other people but socializing isn't the main goal.

Most acts of masturbation happen when a person is feeling lonely, unwanted and desperate for giving affection. Masturbation will only drive you deeper into your loneliness. It isolated you more and eventually renders you incapable of entering into a meaningful sexual intimacy with anyone. It is a horrible world to be in. It is a very dark world because you are blinded by a very powerful emotion to give and receive love in an intimate love. The release of sexual tension caused by the lack of true love never results in anything gained. Masturbation gives you the physical release of pleasure but never gives you the emotional release from loneliness. I know because I have been there and done that. While I may never be entirely free from that act, I have gained self-control over it. The mastery of self has boosted my self-esteem and given new meaning to my social life. It was a difficult thing control but I am so much happier that I did, even though I know it could happen again. I am a human being who has imperfections, but I don't have to live those imperfections. they no longer define me. I define myself. Good luck to you. I read a book once entitled "My Beautiful Feeling" on this very topic. It is still available at Amazon.com It helped me immensely along with cousenling and Cognitive Behavorial Training.

Great quote....Aloneness vs. Loneliness

Should one first come to terms with one’s own loneliness before entering into relationship?

Yes, you have to come to terms with your loneliness, so much so that the loneliness is transformed into aloneness. Only then will you be capable of moving into a deep enriching relationship. Only then will you be able to move into love. What do I mean when I say that one has to come to terms with one’s loneliness, so much so that it becomes aloneness?

Loneliness is a negative state of mind. Aloneness is positive, notwithstanding what the dictionaries say. In dictionaries, loneliness and aloneness are synonymous – they are synonyms; in life they are not. Loneliness is a state of mind when you are constantly missing the other, aloneness is the state of mind when you are constantly delighted in yourself. Loneliness is miserable, aloneness is blissful. Loneliness is always worried, missing something, hankering for something, desiring for something; aloneness is a deep fulfillment, not going out, tremendously content, happy, celebrating. In loneliness you are off center, in aloneness you are centered and rooted. Aloneness is beautiful. It has an elegance around it, a grace, a climate of tremendous satisfaction. Loneliness is; beggarly; all around it there is begging and nothing else. It has no grace around it. In fact it is ugly. Loneliness is a dependence, aloneness is sheer independence. One feels as if one is one’s whole world, one’s whole existence.

Now, if you move into a relationship when you are feeling lonely, then you will exploit the other. The other will become a means to satisfy you. You will use the other, and everybody resents being used because no man is here to become a means for anybody else. Every man is an end unto himself. Nobody is here to be used like a thing, everybody is here to be worshipped like a king. Nobody is here to fulfill anybody else’s expectations, everybody is here just to be himself. So whenever you move in any relationship out of loneliness, the relationship is already on the rocks. Even before it has started, it is already on the rocks. Even before the birth, the child is dead. It is going to create more misery for you. And remember, when you move from your loneliness you will fall in relationship with somebody who is in the same plight, because no man who is really living his aloneness will be attracted towards you. You will be too below him. He can, at the most, sympathize, but cannot love you. One who is on his peak of aloneness can only be attracted towards somebody who is also alone. So whenever you move out of loneliness, you will find a man of the same type; you will find your own reflection somewhere. Two beggars will meet, two miserable people will meet. And remember, when two miserable people meet, it is not an ordinary addition, it is a multiplication. They create much more misery for each other than they could have created in their loneliness.

First become alone. First start enjoying yourself. First love yourself. First become so authentically happy that if nobody comes it doesn’t matter; you are full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay – you are not missing. You are not waiting for somebody to come and knock at the door. You are at home. If somebody comes, good, beautiful. If nobody comes, that too is beautiful and good.

Then move into relationship. Now you move like a master, not like a beggar. Now you move like an emperor, not like a beggar. And the person who has lived in his aloneness will always be attracted to another person who is also living his aloneness beautifully, because the same attracts the same. When two masters meet – masters of their being, of their aloneness – happiness is not just added, it is multiplied. It becomes a tremendous phenomenon of celebration. And they don’t exploit, they share. They don’t use each other. Rather, on the contrary, they both become one and enjoy the existence that surrounds them.

Two lonely people are always facing each other, confronting. Two people who have known aloneness are together, facing something higher than both. I always give this example: two ordinary lovers who are both lonely always face each other; two real lovers, on a full moon night, will not be facing each other. They may be holding hands, but they will be facing the full moon high in the sky. They will not be facing each other, they will be together facing something else. Sometimes they will be listening to a symphony of Mozart or Beethoven or Wagner together. Sometimes they will be sitting by the side of a tree and enjoying the tremendous being of the tree enveloping them. Sometimes they may be sitting by a waterfall and listening to the wild music that is continuously being created there. Sometimes, by the ocean, they will both be looking to the farthest possibility that the eyes can see. Whenever two lonely persons meet, they look at each other, because they are constantly in search of ways and means to exploit the other: how to use the other, how to be happy through the other. But two persons who are deeply contented within themselves are not trying to use each other. Rather, they become fellow travelers; they move on a pilgrimage. The goal is high, the goal is far away. Their common interest joins them together.

Ordinarily the common interest is sex. Sex can join two persons momentarily and casually, and very superficially. Real lovers have a greater common interest. It is not that sex will not be there; it may be there, but as part of a higher harmony. Listening to Mozart’s or Beethoven’s symphony, they may come so close, so close, so close, that there may be love. They may make love to each other, but it is in the greater harmony of a Beethoven symphony. The symphony was the real thing; the love happens as part of it. And when love happens of its own accord, unsought, unthought, simply happens as part of a higher harmony, it has a totally different quality to it. It is divine, it is no longer human.
The word happiness comes from a Scandanavian word ‘hap’. The word ‘happening’ also comes from the same Scandanavian root. Happiness is that which happens. You cannot produce it, you cannot command it, you cannot force it. At the most, you can be available to it. Whenever it happens, it happens.

Two real lovers are always available, but never thinking, never trying to find happiness. Then they are never frustrated, because whenever it happens it happens. They create the situation. In fact, if you are happy with yourself, you are already the situation, and if the other is also happy with himself or herself, she is also the situation. When these two situations come close, a greater situation is created. In that greater situation much happens – nothing is produced.

Man has not to do anything to be happy. Man has just to flow and let go.
So, the question is: should one first come to terms with his own loneliness before entering into relationship? Yes; yes, absolutely. It has to be so, otherwise you will be frustrated, and in the name of love you will be doing something else which is not love at all.

Osho

I've been struggling with porn addiction and masturbation, for almost three years, and is not easy especially because Im a lonely person, and socialize is very difficult for me, I have had control over this problem for a awhile but then it gets worse, I am here to hear and listen to all of you, and try to overcome this situation; I do not thinkmasturbation is wrong, in fact it is a healthy way to enjoy sexuality and be confortable in one´s own skin.

Young Man20, I agree that masturbation isn't wrong and can be a healthy expression of one's sexuality whether done in privacy or integrated into one's sex life with their partner, but for aoo1 it sounds like you masturbate to fill a void rather than as a form of healthy sexual expression. aoo1 you are not alone in using masturbation to fill lonliness. Masturbation releases happy chemicals in the brain and makes one feel better so it is understandable that when you are feeling lonely that you want to masturbate, but as wackywidow said I too think it can really contribute to greater isolation. I hope you are able to speak to a therapist about your struggles and try to be kind to yourself during your struggles. Best of luck!

Jesus, you'd think some people had done their master's thesis on the subject. Look, there's not a damned thing wrong with masturbation. When my fiancee is not around, it is an enjoyable release for me. Sure there's always loneliness-sometimes even when she's here- (it's a human condition after all!) and we're all trying to fill up some hole in our lives, blah blah blah but really, I'm just a very sexual guy who must find some outlet for his urges and since I will never cheat on the woman I love, masturbation provides a very safe and pleasurable alternative. I haven't gone blind yet....Enjoy yourself.

Gulas,

Mastubsting to porn has been proven to:
Change your brain
Cause arousal problems
Lead users to rate their real life partner as less attractive

It is not harmless.