[poptart316]

Hi, I have BPD/bi-polar, I'm verrry sexually impulsive. I have a thing for men in positions of authority or who have interesting careers, esp musicians *sigh*, and older men too. I was out of control for a while, like I didn't know I had a problem but eventually I started to realize and started to hate the encounters and would feel really guilty. I never really dated anyone or got into any relationships, not many of the men I got involved with wanted to be with me, except for a select few, who I didn't want to be with... although I was seeing someone consistently for about 8 months, things were fine for a while, I remember feeling very guilty about the sex and that seemed to control it/control my thoughts and behaviors. At some point I decided to let go of the guilt and just embrace it since we had been seeing each other so long, it was record for me... but as soon as I let go of that guilt.. I REALLY wanted him and couldn't stop thinking & fantasizing about him.. I just wanted to have sex with him 24/7 and couldn't stop masturbating. I also kept getting really angry with him..... things gradually fell apart. He has some issues himself so I'm pretty sure it was a bit of a co-dependant thing, y'know not very healthy. It was probably best that things ended, and he wanted to leave things undefined and open and I wanted a relationship. We didn't talk for a few months but he contacted me recently and I think him contacting me triggered a psychotic break down so I ignored him and he left me alone, even though I miss him.

I haven't had sex since I was with him, no rebounds.. I told myself I wasn't going to have sex for a year and it's been 6 months. (although I did fool around with someone a few months back, it started off as spooning.. I think it's impossible for me to spoon with someone and NOT have sex with them so NO SPOONING FOR ME!!) I feel better without it... more focused, more goal/activity oriented and enjoy these things, no men- no distractions, no crazy emotional BS, I'm a lot more calmer & happier.. it's nice.

So yeah, no sex.

How do people with sex addictions have sex?

Like I kinda want to start a casual thing, but I'm afraid it'll trigger all the crazy and I would like a relationship but no opportunities and I'm anti-dating right now. I said a year. Ugh.

I mean I channel my energy into other things.. but I really would like to y'know get naked with someone.

I'm afraid I'll never be able to have sex again or have a relationship that's normal and healthy.

[hamster-bamster]

I do not see any sexual addiction, I see purely BPD issues.

[poptart316]

I'm totally convinced that I have a sex addiction, and yeah I think BPD/bi polar is apart of it. But certain things (dating/sex/men) trigger it and once it's triggered I go nuts, I obsess & fantasize & all I want to is have sex 24/7 & if I'm not having sex I'll masturbate like all day & can't stop. Even if it's not a full blown-by the book- sex addiction... sex/relationships are often times very problematic for me.

[hamster-bamster]

I still think the main issue is BPD and you should post there if you have not already done so because you will get way more responses - it is a higher traffic forum and it matches the breadth of your issues.

I work in tech and we have quarterly and yearly goals and annual performance reviews. Your idea of not having sex for a year reminded me of them. I would not want to take corporate style planning into my personal life. What will you do if you end up having sex before the due date? What will you do if you fulfill your goal - give yourself a medal?

The problem clearly isn't sex itself -- it's how you relate to people. Work on that & you'll feel more comfortable to re-enter a romantic/sexual relationship with another person. But until then, it's just going to be destructive because that's what you find attractive. It makes you temporarily happy at a long-term price.

[ponder1973]

Hi Poptart,

I'm an addict. Currently I try to let my partner decide when sex happens so it isn't in my power. That way I don't obsess about it.

I'm in no way recovered from sex addiction so I don't know how things will play out long term but for now that approach is working for me.