[nouman.87]

Ok, my story starts here, I would try to put sum up as short as i could.

Well, I am Muslim and belong a well-being family. My parents has an aim to see their children successful in their lives. I was so good in my studies, I didn't watch TV and was just with my books all the time and for the first while I was in 5th grade my parents put a Cable Network service. So, there was all an access to the channels of any kind. We never had a sort of sex talk in our family and conflicts between mom and dad, nothing wrong. But bad thing happens when I was once watching a TV and saw a girl undressing herself in front of a man. Till, I had no idea what is all that and what is going to happen. Well, suddenly my brother switched off the TV and left the room so I too. But that scene kept in my mind and was pinning me that I wish I could see some more. HOW, EXACTLY HOW could I feel like that since I had no idea of it???

The first chapter ends there.
Now, we changed our home and had no TV service or net service and after 2 years I found some magazines of women in bikini in my lounge and I was so much excited to see what is all that. For the first I got an erection and I had no idea what is that. I watched all that magazines and saw that my pant in wet now. I was still thinking what is this thing and was confused. Anyways, I washed it and moved on. In that night I had a dream of those girls and saw that my pant is again wet in the morning but I felt so good. I wanted to explore some more that what is that all about. Then again got a Cable TV service with access to some more channels. I use to watch TV with my elder brother so I could have an access to all those stuffs easily. I was fascinated by that all the time I was thinking about naked girls and love to see kiss scenes. And the BAD part started, when I was in 7th grade my friend told me a porn site and just wrote it down and went home and accessed it. I was just shivering couldn't even use the mouse and keyboard properly. I just said this is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And then I had a routine of coming back from the school in the afternoon, having a lunch, waiting for everybody to leave the TV lounge so that I could watch it till the evening and then I complete my homework but academic progress got low, I started loosing my interest in studies, no interest in home and all that. I was just thinking about sex all the time.
I masturbated for 3 times being in the 7th grade but left it because of pain. I was just moving on with fantasies and that porn site and sex scene on TV. I had a teacher she was so nice to me. And I started thinking of for having a sex with her. Every time I go to bed i just think about her, me and she having a lot of sex. I was just mad for her. That was the only subject on which I didn't lose any marks and was good at all. Then 8th grade and I started feeling weakness because of watching sex all the day (no masturbation). I started out weight training and that helped me a lot. But because of an addiction I got more interest in sex as I gained muscles and health a lot. That became horrible for me to leave it. And I moved on with school, sex scenes and porn sites.
Yea, I had no outdoor activities and no friends and never participated in any games or co curricular activities while in school and college too. I gave priority to sex a lot that sex is the only thing that I need.

Now, 9th grade a change in me. Yea, there was a teacher of mine who taught me physics and maths and was so pious. He shared some useful things with to become a better person and i started to go to mosque and saw my life change. Even I left thinking about girls and sex and took interest in studies again and scored some good marks. But when that teacher left me I indulged back to those sick activities again. Left going to mosque, left everything again and back to sex scenes. 9th went with that, 10th and 11th grade with that too.
Till now, I had no intentions of penetration with anyone. I just don't wanna spoil someone's life like this. I wanted to do that to my wife only.

Now, 12th grade and new HORRIBLE chapter of my life. I was going with that routine even I have an erectile dysfunction now. I was once watching a porn site and noticed that I am not getting an arousal properly and I was worried. So, in that night I was lying on the bed and started rubbing it I thought to check it. And that actually happened, I made a cum and I was just shocked what was that. My heart beat rose a lot. On the next I felt something over my penis like feeling to touch it again and I masturbated again and then continued it weekly for 7 months. I scored very very poor in high school but I was so relaxed because of that sick activity.

Then, I took an admission in a flying school and was out of the city in the hostel. That changed my life a lot. Masturbation frequency got very low but I really enjoyed masturbation the most during that hostel time. And that was the time when I got feeling to have a sex with someone.
Finally, I got my license and came back to home. As, I was all free and had no idea of what to do next so I had a plenty of free time. I made an aim to leave masturbation and will make myself physically strong and would concentrate on my career now. But that addiction ... I went to the doctor, bought medicines but masturbated every week so it didn't effect me.I wasted my time and medicine too and that happened a lot. I was all free and had nothing to do. So, I found sex the best entertainment. I started masturbating daily. And felt a sudden change after 2 months that I couldn't live without it and I started masturbating 7 to 8 times a day and that was actually killing me. I had no way to stop. I was just mad for sex. Day and night it was all masturbation and then cried a lot for how to stop it. I started to go to mosque again saw a good change in myself so I left going to mosque, thought that it's all over and then got back to it. Now, this time was so horrible. I kept myself in room for 4 months to become a good person as I was so depressed. But i did inverse and watched porn all the night and sleeping in the day. I just meet my family on the meal table, the rest I didn't know, no contact with friends I just deleted all of my friends number and thought that may be that would help to track back my life to a good path. I lost my energy, my potentials and goals. I was in a web and had no escape.

NEW CHANGE - then, a girl came into my life, I started loving her and had feelings for her, not any sexual but to spend some time with her and to be with her. I left masturbation for a month and gained health, spending time with friends and family. After a month she said that it's nothing like that and broke me. Actually, I have a thinking that if girl is smiling at you that means she just loves you. I came back to home, left friends, again, no time with family and started doing masturbation again but with a low frequency. Then I saw some good changes in myself that I started hating the sex and had no desires for all these things any more. I was just sleeping all that day.
After, a month I felt something again and that was a come back to porn. I was planning to join a gym too. But had no motivation to do something I was just fed up by everything. At last I joined it, gym, proper sleeping, helping others, good time with friends and family, no tension, no worries and I was so happy that in a month stopped watching porn and had a plan to stop masturbation in the next 30 days but after 20 days I had a conflict with my friend was worried to lose something precious and I was so worried. I kept thinking about it for 3 days and that thing took me back to porn again. At first week I had no feelings but after that I was all like before and that was in 2012.
Then in the end of 2012, I met new girl on social network and really liked her and went on a trip that would go back and talk to her. During that trip I had no sexual desires but as soon I went home it started again. And the girl part, she was not talking to me because she had a break up. After, a moth by trying a lot she talked to me again and we came much closer but i did a wrong attempt. I was actually using her to cure my sexual desire. She is an orthodox so, I knew it that we couldn't marry. And I actually proposed her that she would refuse and i would never go for girl again. And yea, she said i had no intentions for marriage so early but we could continue normal conversation and that broke me. On the next day I found out that she was really taking an interest in me and wanna know about me some more. So, we had a long chat for a week and found a conflict over religion issue and she just left me and that thing made me mad and I cried a lot for her and requested her but she said don't dream we can't meet each other. 3 weeks are over and I am still thinking of her.

Till, now I am suffering from depression and masturbation. I couldn't go anywhere. I can't buy medicines for dysfunction that I couldn't control my desires, I have no circle with friends, no job, my family is all the way shouting at me.
I just don't wanna waste my time anymore. I am 25 and got the feeling while 10. I just wanna study more, work hard, help my friends, good time with family and wanna get married. Please, I BEG YOU, please help me out. Please save me PLEASE!
Moreover, penetration before marriage is not allowed and never had sexual intercourse with anyone and masturbation is considered a sin too.
I will be waiting for your response. Just CHANGE ME & MY LIFE.

[hamster-bamster]

Well, we cannot make your religion stop considering masturbation a sin. The notion that masturbation is a sin is entirely ridiculous, any which way you look at it, because nobody gets hurt. But your religion states what it states, and we cannot change it. Only you can change the way you treat the tenets of your religion. The most obvious way for you to help yourself is to master what is called critical thinking. I do not see any other options that could be productive for you, but maybe others able of more creative thinking would come help you resolve your issues.

[BuddyErnesto]

Masturbation isn't a sin but a 'necessary evil' in Islam. Islam recognizes the human need for sexual relief and thus masturbation is seen as a solution so that men won't commit adultery or rape etc.

Furthermore, you have lived a very sheltered life and should re-evaluate things to make your life and Islam fit together.

I'm Muslim too and read parts of the Holy Book and have decided what I would prioritize in my life based on the book and it's context.
Understand that Islam is (at least in my eyes) a personal religion, not one ruled by any institution.

As a result I decided to commit the sin of penetration before marriage.

Allah is merciful and while I won't know how He'll judge of me, I do know that honesty about your own wrongs is highly valued.

[gayleggg]

I suggest you check the website for https://saa-recovery.org/. They are a 12-step group that helps sex addicts. It is based on a higher power of your choosing. They have meetings and maybe there is one close to you. There should be some helpful information for you on that site. You are not alone in this addiction. I, too, am a recovering sex addict. Best wishes to you on your quest for a healthy sex life.

[hamster-bamster]

guys - the poster posted one post and has not come back in over two months.