constantly feel pressure

my two best friends are two people I trust a great deal but there is a catch with this my two best friends and I used to be intimate all three of us in a love triangle.

I am dating a man monagmously and am incredilby in love with him but due to these two people I have accidently ended up slipping up with him when we were in the begining stages of my relationship with him.

but to me I don't view it as fully cheating ....we were not sure where things were going or not going between me and him and he kept saying things to me that confused the hell out of me as to me where his comittment lied so I did not fully feel like what I was doing was nessicarly bad for me casue we wern't recall together....

I have not done anything truly sexual with these two in a long time...but I can tell there is a desire on both their parts that they want things to be the way they used to be....and some times shamefully I miss it as well.

but I can't have a sexual relationship with them any more. And I feel poorly that we all three will sometime give each other fairly mixed signals between all three of us.

that we don't truly have sex....but that it can get to points where it becomes fairly close to that point.....

this does not happen often and when things do get to points like this....I have to force myself to hold back and not do things....that normally in the past I would have been ok to do....

this needs to get to a point where it just doesn't go on anymore at all. Otherwise I will only have feelings of guilt come up in me....all the time toward being possibly hurtful to them or to myself.

But i am finding that changing my ways with this kind of addiction is hard thing to do.....so I try to give myself credit even for when I just make minor achievements.....

What is it you're looking for here? If you're exclusive with someone you shouldn't even be thinking about other people.

Sounds to me like you're possibly polyamorous, and trying to fit into a monogamous mold. Which is really frustrating. I've been there. Did it for 14 years. Also sounds like your friends are pressuring you in an unfair manner. You should really just have it out with them in a very frank (but non-screamy) way.

It's really all up to you, ultimately. If you're crazy in love with this guy and he's the only person you want, then fine. Do that. And if you simply can't live without this triangle, then do that. But don't sit on the fence. You aren't doing anybody any favours by lying to them. Especially you.

And, just so you know.. It's okay to be this way. I'm finding out that A LOT of people are. Just be you.

dont cheat commit to your love tell the others youre sorry and to please stop pressuring you no man wants to share his love its heartbreaking to know that youre not enough trust me...