hypersexual and "odd needs"

Hi I'm Kelly, I don't know if I am in the right place but I get extremely hypersexual and have needs that I am afraid my fiance may not want to do. He is conservative and I am the complete opposite. Has anyone been in this situation/ have any advice? Thank you.

Hi! I know folks can have some differing views on this issue. Have you talked to him about it?

It might be that you could have "sex for one" and try some things, if he is willing......

It is important, to my way of thinking, that couples be pretty compatible about sex.

Thank you. I try to talk about it and do a little but it makes me uncomfortable. I did start to write a book about one of my fantasies.

I'm trying to figure out some of that stuff myself. I would not say I am hypersexual in most cases, but I go through spurts, and the "needs" are definitely not near the realm of anything my wife is comfortable with. I happen to be working on some of that in therapy because I think it may have to do with some early abuse issues, but some of it is just preference.
I too would suggest talking to your fiance about what you like and dislike. I know when I talked to my wife about some of it, there were things she was willing to try with me. If it's easier to write it down, maybe you guys could make a game of it? Maybe something like each writing a list of 10 things you would like to try (ranging from relatively consevative to the more "unusual" things you may want him to try) and have him pick what he would do with you? With things that range from more conservative to more edgy, there is a greater chance for him to pick something even if he is conservative in his practices. Maybe he can do something similar the next time and you guys could go back and forth? That way you both can start to get some of your needs met. He may also find he likes some of the same things you do (this was suggested to me by a T, but I have to admit I have not tried it yet. right now my abuse issues are over-shadowing my sex issues).

i couldn't agree with you more..sexual compatibility is extremely important to a relationship, too many people minimize the importance!

it is extremely important that you talk to your fiance about your needs, this will be ultra beneficial to your guys' union. if your needs aren't being met..it will be a problem...i would make a list as far as most important to least important, you know some things are a' "must" others "it would be nice if.." and go from there..good luck

I was raped when I was 17 by a "good friend". I have always had this issue though and it does come in spurts, usually during a depressive episode. if it is not what I need, I feel like there is no point. I also feel if I'm not treated a certain way during these episodes, I don't feel alive or it does nothing for me. I like it rough

Since it comes in spurts as you said, and is generally associated with depression, do you think it may just be a form of self harm? That delineation is something I am trying to figure out in my own life, as my sexual desires and needs change with my level of stress. The more stressed I am, the more I want things to be rough and violent (to the point of some serious injury to myself in the past). There are some things I enjoy all the time, but other things I only crave when in a negative space. Perhaps your fiancee's reluctance is partially due to picking up the signs of depression when you want certain things? My wife refuses to engage in any "unusual" activities if she knows I'm in a depressed state. She tends to be more open when I'm more balanced. We have never talked about the connection because I only just figured it out myself this past week, but she has been like that for a while. Sometimes those close to us pick up on things we don't expect them to.
Also, I totally understand the futility of activities if your needs are not being met.

mrsgigglesworth, I strongly encourage you to see a counselor. I fear your needs might drive your conservative fiance away. Also, talk to the counselor about your fiance, and what he needs to be told about your past. Okay?

I second what Travelinglady said there...

<P></P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>I am the same way and I am having trouble telling my girlfriend. So far I have only been able to tell her one. </P><P>&nbsp;</P>

I agree to talk to him, sometimes people are conservative because its all they know, maybe a good and straight forward discussion will open his mind.