[musicalsweety]

So in my meeting today with my husband (we have been separated for 5 weeks for a variety of reasons one main being he's a sex addict and addicted to pornography) anyways he told me he is not attending a 12 step group because he went and they read out of the blue book and the steps book. He belongs to a freedom group but seems to think he is about SAA! I'm pretty floored. Not sure what makes him think his group is working when he has consistently lied to them for the last three years. At least in SAA there is real accountability and usually they can see through the bs that's occurring. And when I dared to say I thought that was strange I all of the sudden was controlling again. Gah!!!
So my question.... Has anyone successfully found freedom without the 12 step program

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[MarkNoo11]

From alcoholism, yes. I did but, I think sex addiction is a different creature. Sex addiction might be treated with DBT. I don't know.

Anyway, I did quit drinking without the 12 steps and have successfully stayed off alcohol for a little less than 3.5 years.

I am not a therapist but if he is misleading you and being untruthful with the group and maybe himself, I would doubt he is getting better. Again, I don't know. Maybe that is the natural progression. If he is still going to meetings I think that says something about his intentions.

[musicalsweety]

He has been going to this group for about two years. He didn't seriously start doing anything until I asked him to move out 5 weeks or so ago.

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[musicalsweety]

All of the professionals and non professionals that I have talked to have indicated that a 12 step is necessary and I find it hard to grasp that he isn't going because he went one time and it didn't meet his expectations... I guess I'll continue to wait and see. Hopefully my counselor will be able to shed some continual light on the subject.

[TheLily]

My husband is a sex addict as well. He is struggling with recovery and borders more on the side of not participating. From everything that I have read active participation in a 12 step program is critical for recovery for sex addicts. If I were you (and our husband's share some similarities in where they are, or so it seems) I would be very concerned about whether or not he is truly recovered or working his recovery program.

[brainhi]

I posted this recently in another thread..check out the link...

"The current porn epidemic gives a graphic demonstration that sexual tastes can be acquired. Pornography, delivered by high-speed Internet connections, satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change [forming new neural circuitry- a key piece in addiction].

Pornography seems, at first glance, to be a purely instinctual matter: sexually explicit pictures trigger instinctual responses, which are the product of millions of years of evolution. But if that were true, pornography would be unchanging. The same triggers, bodily parts and their proportions, that appealed to our ancestors would excite us. This is what pornographers would have us believe, for they claim they are battling sexual repression, taboo, and fear and that their goal is to liberate the natural, pent-up sexual instincts.................
Norman Doidge on pornography and neuroplasticity - worthwhile reading | Reuniting