Porn addiction

To me, porn seems to have affected my relationship for a while now. I have always had to hide it from my girlfriend as even though she claims she's ok with it, I know she doesn't see it as a positive thing.

I have been interested in a variety of different porn types including older woman, cuckolding and transgender, and since my girlfriend found this out, she always seems to have doubts about my sexuality or my love for her.

In recent times I have managed to suppress it greatly, sometimes going 4-5 days without looking. I am unsure if I could be labelled an addict, but certainly when I'm going through rough patches with her (which happen about once a month) I tend to resort to looking at these things to make me happy every now and again.

Is it normal to watch porn? Should I stop? I believe in being able to watch/do whatever you want so badly that it would seem hypocritical to try to completely cut it off. I'm curious how often the 'average' guy watches porn to even use that as a scale of my 'problem'?

I'm a 25 year old guy, and apparently slightly confused. Again, it seems hypocritical to my nature to give myself a label, and I know that if I was not in a relationship and I carried on at the rate I'm going, I'd be totally fine (meaning if I was to carry on at this 'suppressed' rate of watching porn).

Hi Headphones,

There might be a statistical average out there, but generally, it depends on the person.

First of all, it's important to understand the chemistry of porn and sex so that you can start to consciously making decisions for yourself. When you watch porn, a chemical called dopamine is released into your brain. It makes you feel good. So, yes, it is possible to get addicted to this.

Now, what qualifies as an addiction, it's a different story. Mainly, it would qualify as an addiction if you feel you don't have control over it, and it is affecting your life, responsibilities and choices in a negative manner. For example, let's say you knew that you needed to go get groceries or pick up your relative to take/her somewhere, but you get an urge and it overrides your responsibility to do what you needed to do or you postpone it.

Also, if you use it to deal with anxiety. This is something you kind of described where you get a rough patch with your gf. A more difficult, but productive thing would be to try to resolve the root of the problem and get through it. Running away to watch porn is teaching your brain that whenever there's an anxious situation, this is what you need to do. After a while it may become hard to control even though your conscious mind may realize it's not the best.

So, in the end, it's not how often you do it really, but the context. You can do it twice a week and still be an addict technically.

So when is it ok? You do it for enjoyment and it doesn't disrupt your responsibilities or relationships. You said you believed in being able to watch porn. Sure, that's fine, but if this is what this was all about you wouldn't be here asking the question, would you? If you can't work it out and it keeps bothering you, you may benefit for some short-term therapy to work it out.

Good luck.

Hi Stuck,

I apologise I didn't reply sooner, and I very much appreciate the response.

Certainly using porn to deal with anxiety isn't the best method and fortunately I don't always resort to it to get me through rough times. But I do occasionally do it more often sometimes than I would others.

I have been talking more and more to my girlfriend about issues me and her are both having, and certainly telling the truth has helped - we're starting to feel better about ourselves, and even though we know we still have a road ahead, I believe things are getting better.

I do still watch porn, but I would say off the top of my head I watch it no more than half as much as I used too (the last couple of years). I still enjoy when I do, and I hope I am able to get to a good place, and watch it not often, and when I'm feeling good, rather than when I'm feeling down.

Thank you so much for your time!! I do appreciate it greatly.

Pornography Addiction can sneak up on you. If you find that you need to suppress the urge and are not successful, that may be telling. One way to gage is to see if you have withdrawal symptoms. When your brain becomes addicted it starts to nag at you when you try not to watch porn. It is kind of like the seat belt alarm that annoys you until you put the seatbelt on. When your brain becomes addicted it increases stress and arousal to promote porn use again. If you find this happening to you, you may be an addict.