[frusterated]

I'm not sure it's an addiction, but it's all I have to go to when I'm lonely or frustrated, which is several times per week. I haven't had much social experience but that doesn't seem to matter from what I'm reading, married guys with lots of friends still get hooked on these. It doesn't feel like I'm hooked, but a feeling arises that is difficult to quench, even if I've relieved myself the day or hours before, even when there's nothing sexually driving it, it's just this feeling welling up in my gut that I need some sort of connection with a female or understanding or perception (I'm very much into voyeur because I think of a lack of good attention socially but I'm not sure, I've sort of had a self-fascination with the body since I was a kid that may be fueling this). Sorry if TMI, I'm trying to figure out what's causing this and how to shunt it to productive rather than destructive gains. It doesn't help that many ladies on the cam sites enjoy watching, voyeur, and sexuality, but it's just destroying my life financially and I haven't moved up in the world for like 10 years and nobody's sure why.

There's times when I get obsessed with other things, projects, hobbies, whatever, that prevent my drive for connection/perception through cam sites, but I've also been obsessive in relationships, erratic too, attention-shifting, I'm not sure if I got screwed up as a kid from psychoactive prescriptions or I have some genetic issue or was just too traumatized as a kid getting ostracized socially by basically the whole school and church for apparently a nervous tic and saying/thinking off things, I don't know. I tried to bring it up to a psychologist but it's too overwhelming, and he seemed to get some sort of glee at the problem like it was unique or juicy or something, and if I discovered the problem was me I'd probably be at the bottom of a cliff, our society likes to blame the person with the problem for everything and it's like adding piles of rocks to the piles of rocks that were already dumped on your and the hole you dug for yourself trying to get out from under the pile of rocks.

I'm shy of relationships and the drama I've had, chaotic drug-fueled nonsense with young women, and I just get overwhelmed with meeting women in real life, maybe just because they're more experienced and have more to talk about. I'm not sure where to go with this, in America everybody's on overload and I'm not caught up, women in other countries don't seem this way, more practical and down to earth, but I can't afford to move to a country with simpler social bars to jump over.

I tried having my credit card banks block the cards on the cam sites, but they won't do it, they just keep trying to get me to report the charges as fraud, but they're not. I tried having them blocked on the payment gateways, but that doesn't work. I just have a pile of cards that I'm filling up because I'm alone and bored and apparently weird and too uneducated to not be overwhelmed with relationship expectations and the weight of knowledge "normal" people have (and I generally don't care for arbitrary social rules apparently based on the latest reality TV show or whatever nonsense some idiot politician got angry about).

I feel like the credit card companies want me to max out my cards and don't care about addictions, but things are spinning out of control. I don't have the social life I want or need, and can't spend on the things I want to doing projects with people... it's really sad and pathetic and therapy is expensive and I'm not sure I can admit this pile of fires to someone because I think they'll just mock me or laugh at it or tell me how stupid I am (especially a financial advisor if I admitted what I bought) or push me into religion... I feel like I've been punishing myself for sexual deviancy and productive behavior has just rarely pushed me forward without great financial expense... I don't know how to deal with this. I'd cut up the cards but I need them sometimes or for things like balance transfers at lower interest rates.

Please tell me anything that has worked for you to get you to stop spending on cam girl sites. I'm basically using them for overpriced therapy too, I just talk for hours with them sometimes.

[Skeezyks]

Hello frusterated: I'm sorry I doubt I can really be of much help with regard to this. I can relate, though, to your comments regarding your experience with the psychologist & how you feel about engaging in therapy.

I've seen a few therapists for brief periods over the years. None of it ever amounted to much & I don't see one now. But part of the reason for this is because I personally feel there are things in my background I simply can't talk about... even to a therapist. So I don't. But it probably does put a severe limit on how much healing I'm ever going to achieve. Still... it's simply the reality for me.

Perhaps, in your case, it would make sense to try a few more therapists & see if you can find one who is more compassionate than that psychologist was. It is true that it can take a few tries to find the right therapist for you. Not every therapist, or psychologist, works well with every client.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here's a link to an article, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of sex addictions that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-sexual-addiction/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!