[unclejeffery1935]

This is so hard for me to do. The guilt has been eating at me for almost an entire year. My head is just spinning on a merry go round of shame.

Here it goes....

I'm a male and I've always fantasized about living out my exhibitionist fantasy. I've always thought there would be nothing hotter than to be naked in front of a large group of people.

Anyways, I got a gym membership almost a year ago. So naturally I jumped at the chance to take advantage of their locker rooms and showers. I would get completely naked in the locker room and walk to the showers baring it all. It felt great.

I also wasn't the only one who enjoyed strutting around naked. There were tons of guys chatting each other up nude, shaving/brushing their teeth naked, one guy was even trimming his pubes in the sink and another dude was at the urinal in his birthday suit.

One day while naked, I ran into a former co-worker. This guy was always strange. A notorious drug user (stuff like PCP and Acid) who was known for being a total space case (talking to himself, laughing for no reason, just weird).

Anyways, he walked in spotted me naked said "hi" while passing then walked back into the gym. It was hot. Really hot.

When I came back after my work out. I went into my routine (got nude, walked to showers, came back, dried off, throw back on my clothes). Was kind of sad I missed him.

Then before I could leave, he popped in again to chat to me. I was in my street clothes but I really wanted to be nude. So while in the middle of talking to him, I decided to just pop my shorts off, take off my boxers and pretend to adjust myself and change into new boxers.

I was so excited I accidentley sprung up a large erection. Out of nowhere he just starts uncontrollably laughing really nervous. I just tried my best to play it off cool and be all like "you ok, dude?".

Next, I put back on another pair of boxers and put back on my shorts and just finished up the conversation. He seemed really confused at what just happend, but we just continued to talk about work for another 30 seconds. Then I exited.

It struck a week or two later how creepy that kind of was and that maybe it was traumatizing for him. Was that sexual assault? Am I predator? It's a locker room, right? Ugh...the guilt ate at me. My ocd didn't help. I felt as if I was an awful person.

I decided to no longer change in the locker room. I was being a creep and violating people's space.

I've been trying to bump into him again to see if things are cool, but I've never seen him again.

.....Flash forward to last week.....

Had a slip up in the locker room bathroom. I was at the urinal in my jogging pant and thought maybe if I just angle my self just right someone might get a good peek. Somebody did.

When I pee at a urinal I usual have to shake it a little to get some urine out.

This guy does a double take and sees me shaking myself at the urinal. I washed my hands right next him and he seemed alright, but my blood ran cold as I thought "what if he thought I was masturbating?"

Now I'm back to feeling like a total creep.

My head is telling me I'm a total monster and deviant and that these people could of been traumatized.

Do you think these people are seeing me as a total monster or am I just another naked guy in the locker room.

Any insight will help.

[Skeezyks]

Hello unclejeffery: Honestly, I'm not sure what to tell you about this. I don't have a lot of experience in gyms, although I do have a little from years ago. From my perspective, I think what is important here is not what anyone else thought. It's what you think. Realistically, there's absolutely no way to know what any of the men you encountered in the locker room thought or didn't think. Chances are, if you could somehow take a poll, you'd find there were a range of different reactions... most of them just passing impressions that were soon forgotten. But the only thing you have any control over at all is how you view what happened.

You mentioned you have OCD. You didn't mention if, by any chance, you see a therapist. If you do... perhaps this is something that would be good to explore with that person. If you're not seeing anyone, perhaps a message you might take from this experience is that it might be beneficial to do so. I will say that I don't think anything about this experience suggests that you are a predator. And I, at least, would not consider this to be sexual assault. You simply have a need or desire that has, at least in this particular case, caused you to end up in a bit of an embarrassing situation. I do know something of what this is like. I'm an older man who has struggled with gender identity disorder my entire life. And it has caused me to end up in some pretty embarrassing situations myself over the years.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[unclejeffery1935]

Thank you for the feedback. It means alot.

Yeah, I've been seeing a therapist and we've discussed this alot, but he doesn't offer much insight.

I've also tried a hand at SAA groups, but I'm not sure if it was for me.

What I want is just a friend or someone to talk to.

Hopefully, I can find that here.