[personaldemons]

This is really disturbing me... I have recently broken up with a long time partner that really tried to help me through my sexual insecurities, yet I never really enjoyed full sex. I find I worry about losing my erection to such a degree that it ineviatbly happens, I find that it doesn't pleasure me much and feel like I'm some creature on the discovery channel... I just don't like it. I have sexual desire but would rather get rid of it myself if you know what I mean. I don't like the whole image of sex, the fact that it is supposed to be so important, the fact that you need to have a good 'sex life'. The thing is the break up was partly due to this problem and I have split with people before saying I wanted to be celibate. I am now very lonely and can't identify with other celibates as I do long for affection, long for passion, long for romance, long for kissing and touching, but actual full on sex just makes me feel - well I say its like dancing, you are supposed to enjoy it but it makes me feel very self conscious and although I understand why it should be pleasureable I would rather not do it. It doesn't bode well for my furture as I can't imagine finding someone that feels the same. I am 35.. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 27 and sometimes it seems that might be why I'm like this. Any help would be appreciated as I feel very depressed about it. By the way I suffer depression, and borderline personality as well.

[bebop]

do you think maybe it could be your image of yourself? the insecurities? I do believe you can find someone though that might feel the same way about it. don't beat yourself up over it hon. maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself.

[lynn P.]

I'm interested to know - if you solve the erection problem and the anxiety that goes with it - would you want to have sex? There are people who classify themselves as Asexual - they aren't interested in having sex, but I don't think you would fall under this category because you enjoy intimacy in other ways. Best of luck

[Michellewhois]

I found this link that may hold some answers for you. I hope that it helps.

Go to asexuality org (Sorry it's not a link but I'm new here)

[youOme]

I don't think libido is your issue, it sounds like you have a self esteem issue that makes you not beable to enjoy sex. It's actually pretty normal for a woman. I know since I have put on weight, I don't feel good about myself... therefore I don't get fully eroused, because I'm to focused on my appearence or performance, then the sex sucks. I'd say 60-70 percent of the sex I've had in my life was not enjoyable... not because of my partner, but because of my self esteem.