[Space_Dementia]

Hey, I don't know if there's anybody who's been through this who might have advice or some such, but basically I'm ftm (female-to-male) trans. I've never come out except to close family and a friend (though it is fairly obvious), but in the next couple of weeks I'm going to uni and it's my intention to come out then. I'm not bothered about the coming out to strangers per se, apart from the fact that I hate identifying as ftm but I don't pass astonishingly well - I get kicked out of female changing rooms sometimes, sometimes not - so I'll have to explain that to people which is embarrassing, but, I suppose necessary. What I'm having a problem with is how to come out to my current friends, all of whom suspect but don't know for definite and haven't asked. Typing it here it sounds like a huge overreaction >_< but I really have no clue how to broach the subject to them. And while we're here, I'm generally bad at broaching subjects so, though my parents do know, they keep trying to dismiss it as a phase and I don't know how to talk to them, basically.

So, really, I suppose my question is whether anybody has any advice about coming out to people you already know quite well....

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC Space Dementia - I think it would be a great idea to post this thread in the gay forum and you would get many more responses from those who have experience in coming out. Here's the link and best of luck:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/group.php?groupid=24

[rainbow74]

Originally Posted by Space_Dementia

Hey, I don't know if there's anybody who's been through this who might have advice or some such, but basically I'm ftm (female-to-male) trans. I've never come out except to close family and a friend (though it is fairly obvious), but in the next couple of weeks I'm going to uni and it's my intention to come out then. I'm not bothered about the coming out to strangers per se, apart from the fact that I hate identifying as ftm but I don't pass astonishingly well - I get kicked out of female changing rooms sometimes, sometimes not - so I'll have to explain that to people which is embarrassing, but, I suppose necessary. What I'm having a problem with is how to come out to my current friends, all of whom suspect but don't know for definite and haven't asked. Typing it here it sounds like a huge overreaction >_< but I really have no clue how to broach the subject to them. And while we're here, I'm generally bad at broaching subjects so, though my parents do know, they keep trying to dismiss it as a phase and I don't know how to talk to them, basically.

So, really, I suppose my question is whether anybody has any advice about coming out to people you already know quite well....

Hi, apart from hope for the best but expect the worse? Not really no, sorry.

When i came out to my so called friends, they pretty much disappeared like a had the the plague. But having said that, it doesn't necessarily follow that your friends will do the same thing.

As for parents, i think it is natural for them to think like that. Just for a moment look at it from their point of view. They are going to lose a daughter. My mum told me that when i transitioned it was like her son had died (I'm M2F) , but given time, any loving parent should come round as they realize that what you are doing is going to make you happier. Also have you shown them anything to do with why we want/need to transition? Maybe will help them understand more.

Just a couple more things, try not to do it by yourself. It is much easier to do if you know other trans people in real life*. They can help you in ways that no cisgendered person ever can.

Finally, if you have any questions PM me and i will try to answer them,

Take care
Rain'74

*This might be quite easy to do when you go to university.

[gkeeper]

When I came out (also FTM) to my friends, I did it in a letter. I suck when it comes to talking to people. I tried, in my letter, to make it not seem like the big thing for me that it really was - I just said that I was making some changes and now'd be a good time to start calling me $news_name and using male pronouns. I offered to point them towards some reading material if they were interested and made sure that they knew I was open to questions from them. In retrospect there are some people that I wish I had been braver about approaching and disclosing to in person, but overall, I was glad for the period in between them receiving the news and seeing me in person so that they'd have time to think about it for a while.

[lone_twin4]

I am afraid I don't have much advice... I just wanted to wish you good luck and kudos!

Letters are good.

[michele#3]

Like lone twin I don't have much advice, but I really do wish you the very best. The only thing I might add is that I know someone who is f - m trans and is doing really well and even seems to pass as a biological male.
Hugs to you and the best