[lily99]

parents - what are your views on your kids having sex in the family home?

ps. I'm 19
thank you

[Omers]

As a mom I wouldn't approve of my child being sexually active at 19 (not that I have much control past 18 to do anything about it). However if you are going to be doing it anyway I would prefer you were doing it at home where I could make sure you had access to anything you might need to have safer sex. I would also be more upset if I found out you were sneaking and doing it behind my back rather than just telling me up front.

[lily99]

sorry, i should add this thread isn't just for parents. I'd really appreciate any feedback.

[lily99]

thanks omers,
i do feel guilty about sneaking around. it's just a bit complicated. my mother doesn't know that I'm gay yet. She thinks my girlfriend is just a friend. i'm not ready for my family to find out yet, but I don't want to give up that intimacy with my girlfriend either.

thanks for your thoughts

I would not mind if they was over 18 however I know hubby would not want it ! As far as he goes it does not happen till they have their own place even then he would rather not think about it lmao.

[lynn P.]

Since I'm a parent I'm like Tishie - it would be over my husbands dead body lol. Plus if I was a teen again I think it would be awkward having sex if my parents could hear. If you haven't reached the point of telling your mom about your orientation - aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself?

I will admit when I was still living at home when I was 20, me/ my partner(husband now) were daring enough to have sex secretly. Now I realize this was very risky.

[bebop]

I wouldn't like it. my son did it with me telling him to give me the respect I deserved. at 19 I would suggest getting a room somewhere or go to the gf house. not my house.

[lynn P.]

I agree bebop - we don't have to prove we're good parents by condoning this is our homes. I'm also sure kids don't really want to know when their parents are having sex either. I mean can a couple fully enjoy sex with mom in the next room lol. Young people of consenting age have discretely managed all these years.

[bebop]

for real! I can hardly do it in my inlaws house and I am in my 50's! I mean geesh! well when my mil was alive. I like my privacy too much and always did. I would never have thought to have sex as a teen in my mom's house with her home!

[lily99]

Thanks for the feedback!

I take your point on privacy and not wanting to do it when they're in the house at the time. That isn't really an issue because my family are often away (and i would feel very weird with her in the other room ). I guess my guilt and confusion was more about whether it's ok to happen at all in the family home. Or is that disrespectful in itself?

If you haven't reached the point of telling your mom about your orientation - aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself?

Lynn, i'm a bit confused by what you mean here. could you elaborate?

thanks

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by lily99

Thanks for the feedback!

I take your point on privacy and not wanting to do it when they're in the house at the time. That isn't really an issue because my family are often away (and i would feel very weird with her in the other room ). I guess my guilt and confusion was more about whether it's ok to happen at all in the family home. Or is that disrespectful in itself?

Lynn, i'm a bit confused by what you mean here. could you elaborate?

thanks

What I meant was - you haven't told your mom about your sexual orientation, so I assume you would cross that bridge first if you were going to bring a partner home to sleep there. Just encouraging you to not get ahead of the next step, not a judgment at all

[notz]

Whenever the mere thought of sex occuring under the same roof it, uh, it can be awkward. Not only are there mental visuals of what might or might not be happening, the sense of sound becomes extremely acute also.

When I was married, we had to stay at my parent's house for a couple of months. It was a loonnggg two months! There was no way I could make love!! But hey, that's just my experience.

[missbelle]

Depends on the relationship with the parents and the rules of the house I guess as every family is different. I would not llike my unmarried daughter having sex in my house. I am not naive to think she is not having sex but do it somewhere else!

[lynn P.]

I agree, if I have relatives in the house it really puts a damper on desire even if I'm married lol.

[Omers]

I am sorry that you don't feel comfortable enough to tell your parents your orientation but understand. I am Bi and my father figured it out but my mother just knows I am currently single (truth). I do see where this could complicate things too especially depending on how knowledgeable your parents are about GLBTQ stuff.

I am also a bit strange as a parent. If my child is younger and/or unmarried I would prefer to know that they are sexually active so that I could support them doing it in as healthy a way as possible. But I taught parents how to talk to their kids about sex as part of one of my jobs. Now, older generations having sex THAT I don't need to know about!!!

Possible TMI warning...

I will never forget the summer after I graduated college. I stayed with my pastor and her husband for the summer before going off to grad school. One morning over breakfast my PASTOR looks at me point blank between bites of toast and oatmeal and says "Can you go visit family or friends for the day we are really wanting to have sex today" OMG! she was my pastor, a mother figure and over 60 WTF???? Ahh... the naive thoughts (or lack there of) of "childhood"! That evening I DID call before coming home... She laughed and asked "at our age do you really think we could keep it going that long?"... I waited another hour or so for the blushing to die down before going home.