Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Apr 08, 2011, 03:34 PM
adrianchan's Avatar
adrianchan adrianchan is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: I move so much I can't really say.
Posts: 8
I was going to put this under sleep issues and dream interpretation, but I felt it was a bit heavy on the sexual nonsense for that. Despite me having been too young for sexual fantasies, they were certainly leaning towards that area. Also, the thought of them now kind of excites me and scares me.

Anyway...

I used to have dreams in which I was never quite sure which role I played, if any. I think I still have them, but I don't remember them so well these days. I was male and female (I am actually female), or neither. The earliest ones, I would take characters from cartoons or imagined ones from my toys and dolls, and they would be captured. They would be forced to stay low to the ground. I made them crawl, beg. I took away their dignity and forced them to rely on me. They feared me and loved me. They would try to escape in a moment of bad judgment but inexplicably feel safe as I trapped them again and placed them back in the cage or pen I held them in. Many times the 'pets' I had were female, and sometimes they were male. I can never be quite sure what I was.

Its as though I'm on the outside, the one afflicting the pain and torture, but at the same time I'm the victim. In both cases, perhaps simultaneously, I feel and enjoy the domination and humiliation. I see from their eyes and I adore how safe it feels to have someone so in control of me, but I also feel the adrenaline from fear. I feel the power and the helplessness in equal parts.

I was young when these dreams were the most vivid. Incredibly young to be having those kinds of dreams... I'm talking preschool or perhaps younger. Looking back on them now, understanding the significance of the content of those dreams, I don't know if I'm disgusted or if I somewhat get off on it. In either case I'm wondering what this means for me as an adult. This is not the only case of disturbing dreams or behaviors I had during childhood either involving innocent BDSM games.

I don't think I'm capable of such things in real life. I have a sense of right and wrong. I know those things are not ok outside of a consensual relationship... which sadly would ruin the entire effect. I would never actually do these things. I'm a coward, and I'm fine with that.

That doesn't make it any less worrisome. Anyone have a clue what this means, if it means anything at all? Is this some kind of weird voyeurism fantasy where I feel like I understand all persons involved, or where I wish I could control the actions and reactions of other people the way I wish I could control my own? I don't believe I am a sexual sadist, so it must be something else...

I'd appreciate any thoughts or opinions... except 'seek help'. I know I need to do that. I'm looking for reasons, not advice. Thanks. :]
Thanks for this!
STARLITE*1111

advertisement
  #2  
Old Apr 08, 2011, 03:37 PM
STARLITE*1111's Avatar
STARLITE*1111 STARLITE*1111 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: happy land
Posts: 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by adrianchan View Post
I was going to put this under sleep issues and dream interpretation, but I felt it was a bit heavy on the sexual nonsense for that. Despite me having been too young for sexual fantasies, they were certainly leaning towards that area. Also, the thought of them now kind of excites me and scares me.

Anyway...

I used to have dreams in which I was never quite sure which role I played, if any. I think I still have them, but I don't remember them so well these days. I was male and female (I am actually female), or neither. The earliest ones, I would take characters from cartoons or imagined ones from my toys and dolls, and they would be captured. They would be forced to stay low to the ground. I made them crawl, beg. I took away their dignity and forced them to rely on me. They feared me and loved me. They would try to escape in a moment of bad judgment but inexplicably feel safe as I trapped them again and placed them back in the cage or pen I held them in. Many times the 'pets' I had were female, and sometimes they were male. I can never be quite sure what I was.

Its as though I'm on the outside, the one afflicting the pain and torture, but at the same time I'm the victim. In both cases, perhaps simultaneously, I feel and enjoy the domination and humiliation. I see from their eyes and I adore how safe it feels to have someone so in control of me, but I also feel the adrenaline from fear. I feel the power and the helplessness in equal parts.

I was young when these dreams were the most vivid. Incredibly young to be having those kinds of dreams... I'm talking preschool or perhaps younger. Looking back on them now, understanding the significance of the content of those dreams, I don't know if I'm disgusted or if I somewhat get off on it. In either case I'm wondering what this means for me as an adult. This is not the only case of disturbing dreams or behaviors I had during childhood either involving innocent BDSM games.

I don't think I'm capable of such things in real life. I have a sense of right and wrong. I know those things are not ok outside of a consensual relationship... which sadly would ruin the entire effect. I would never actually do these things. I'm a coward, and I'm fine with that.

That doesn't make it any less worrisome. Anyone have a clue what this means, if it means anything at all? Is this some kind of weird voyeurism fantasy where I feel like I understand all persons involved, or where I wish I could control the actions and reactions of other people the way I wish I could control my own? I don't believe I am a sexual sadist, so it must be something else...

I'd appreciate any thoughts or opinions... except 'seek help'. I know I need to do that. I'm looking for reasons, not advice. Thanks. :]
May I stand beside you and commend you for sharing your deepest. I have my stuff - BUT
wanted to acknowledge you
p.s.Disturbing dreams from childhood....
__________________

My arms were so full of Joy each day that I finally achieved Happiness

  #3  
Old Apr 15, 2011, 06:41 PM
Sunna's Avatar
Sunna Sunna is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2011
Location: California, USA
Posts: 355
They might have not been sexual per se. They can clearly be interpreted as sexual power games by your adult self, but if you think of it sexuality you may agree that sexuality is just another expression of a personality. It does not magically appear with no connection to prior life. Where do sexual perversions often orginate? Way, way earlier than the actual hormonal changes start and sexual wareness starts.

So, to me those dreams were imaginative replay of power play between parents and child. Child IS crawling, IS begging, IS totally dependent. There is a beautiful sense of security in being so controlled and also a sense of fear. If you think young children do not have any awareness of being controlled what about the "terrible two's", where the whole point of the child seems to be to oppose that control.

If, despite your warning that you are not looking for advice, you may be interested in a way to clear up the tension these memories of dreams and BDSM associations cause, there is something I could sugguest. In a PM.
  #4  
Old Apr 15, 2011, 07:08 PM
adrianchan's Avatar
adrianchan adrianchan is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: I move so much I can't really say.
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunna View Post
They might have not been sexual per se. They can clearly be interpreted as sexual power games by your adult self, but if you think of it sexuality you may agree that sexuality is just another expression of a personality. It does not magically appear with no connection to prior life. Where do sexual perversions often orginate? Way, way earlier than the actual hormonal changes start and sexual wareness starts.

So, to me those dreams were imaginative replay of power play between parents and child. Child IS crawling, IS begging, IS totally dependent. There is a beautiful sense of security in being so controlled and also a sense of fear. If you think young children do not have any awareness of being controlled what about the "terrible two's", where the whole point of the child seems to be to oppose that control.

If, despite your warning that you are not looking for advice, you may be interested in a way to clear up the tension these memories of dreams and BDSM associations cause, there is something I could sugguest. In a PM.
That's an interesting way of looking at it. Thanks for the response.

I'm curious about your suggestion on how to clear the tension too. While I may not want advice, I can't exactly knock it til I try it.. or in the very least hear it out. Thanks. :]
Reply
Views: 957

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:02 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.