I'm a girl and about a month or so ago I came out to my friend (a boy) that I'm gay. I never told anyone before and I really wanted to tell someone about it because I felt like everyone would reject me if I came out and it became very difficult to deal with on my own. I really trusted him. But when I told him he said he hates the idea of me being gay and kept emailing me articles about how people could change their orientation and how a woman thought she was a lesbian and then got married to a man. He even offered to pretend to be a couple so maybe I could "reform" and turn straight if I ended up liking him. He then started bombarding me with talk about how I'd go to hell but maybe avoid hell if I didn't actually act on my attraction to girls. He questioned how hard I tried not to be gay. In desperation I broke off the friendship as it was dragging me down and I already felt bad about myself and completely on my own. I spoke to a teacher who told me to keep my mouth shut about it (fair enough because in the Middle East being gay is illegal) and that I might not be gay but going through a phase. When I told my mum I might be gay she said I wasn't and that I just didn't meet the right boy yet. My father said he didn't care about me being gay and would prefer if I was and still does say that a lot but I get the feeling that neither of my parents like the idea. I get the impression that they think they went wrong somewhere. Honestly, I feel like I'm letting everyone down and I have to listen to homophobic slander in school everyday. The boys pretend to be gay and say that it's their way of being homophobic. Others say that they think being gay is either a choice or a disease that needs curing. The school isn't inclined to stop the homophobia because it's against the law to be gay here anyway. It's not nice to come out the closet and then have to run back in and lock myself in there again. I feel like I'm letting my parents down and don't know how to handle it really. I'm depressed and feel awful as it is an this is only one part of my jumble of problems that have to be dealt with. How do I ignore all the gay bashing slander and feel good about myself? I can't even do my homework in school without them talking about gays 24/7. Then I come home and I just know my mum and dad don't see me the same way as they used to. They don't act like they did before I told them. Advice?

[scorpiosis37]

{{{{{Numpty}}}}}
I'm so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. I wish there was something I could say or do to imporve your circumstances, or that I had better advice for you. All I can say is that there is nothing wrong with being gay; it is not a choice, a disease, a phase, or something that should be "cured." It is simply part of human variety, and it is one of the many elements that makes us who we are as beautiful and unique individuals. As much as it pains me to say this, the gay-bashing at your school will probably not stop anytime soon. As difficult as it is, you have to simply hold on to the fact that you are perfect just the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you and your value as a person is in no way diminished by the fact that you are gay. You have to try as hard as you can not to let others' hateful comments eat away at your self esteem. Of course, this is easier said than done. While I am not from the Middle East, I am from a conservative, Christian-Republican family in the US, I went to a Mormon school, I am female, and I am gay. Like you, I had to hear homophobic comments at school every day. I had to watch my teacher get fired for being gay, and then hear all of the nasty comments everyone made about her. When I told my best friend I was gay, she decided she did not want to be my friend anymore. Some of my family members also disowned me. It was extremely difficult and there was nothing I could do about the comments others made or the looks I got from my family. The only thing I could do was hold onto the belief that there was nothing wrong with me or with being gay. Eventually, I graduated from school, I made friends with other gay people, some of my family came around and no longer look at me "differently," I've had wonderful relationships with women, and I wouldn't change my sexual orientation even if I could.

I really do wish that I could better your circumstances for you, or give you better advice. But all I can do is say that I feel for the difficult situation you are in, I can tell that from what you wrote you sound like a healthy, well-adjusted and lovely person, and I truly believe that, with time, things will gradually improve. Know that you are perfect just the way you are and that there are others who have been in similar situations and can relate to what you are going through. Those of us on the forum are always hear to offer support if you want to vent, chat, or share more about what you are going through.

Hugs
Hang in there, sweetie!

Thank you! It's really nice to hear such kind words and it's lovely to hear that I'm not alone because that's exactly how I've been feeling all this time. And you've really made me feel better for knowing there's someone I can speak to. So thank you!

[hanners]

Hey Numpty,

My heart goes out to you. I remember the pain of being in the closet about being queer (in my case, bisexual and transgender). I am lucky, I live somewhere where it is relatively safe to be 'out', though my family could not tolerate it.

I know it's hard to be in the closet, but given that you are in the middle east, you need to be conscious of your safety, too. I don't know what country you are in, but some even give the death penalty for being gay.

The bottom line is, take care of yourself. You are not alone, not even in the middle east. Two of my friends who are also gay are from your region, one is from Iran and another is from Iraq. Also know that you are not sick, nor disgusting nor wrong for being you. It's also not a choice.

Down the road, there may be options for you, such as making your way to a Western country where homosexuality is accepted. I know it's hard now, but it's true, it gets better!

[tarmyg]

(((numpty)))

[notz]

Numpty,

The responses from Scorpiosis and Hanners speak exactly how I feel, too. I couldn't find words any better than theirs.

Hugs to you, and know we are here for you!