[rem6996]

This is my first post and I'm hoping someone out there can help as I am at a loss at this point.

My fiance and I have been together almost 7 years; she's 26 & I'm 27. We started having sex after dating about 2.5 years. The sex was pretty good as we were both each other's firsts. We had to be creative as we both lived with our parents but we managed to make it work. We had a long distance relationship for the first 3 years until she graduated and attended grad school near where we both lived. During this time we each had our own places and though we only saw each other once or twice a week, the sex was fantastic.

We had to make adjustments as she moved out to the east coast for a job while I was unemployed and that was a very rough patch for us. She eventually came home and the sex continued to be okay but it definitely wasn't the same. She kept telling me that things would get better, especially if we could move in together so we wouldn't have to sneak around at our parent's places.

About a year after that we got engaged and that's when things started going downhill. We moved in together and that was probably the longest and worst month of our lives. We had many issues with it which in turn affected our relationship. I think we had sex maybe 3 - 4 times that whole month, which was quite the decline of the once a week average we had before. We moved out in a month because the apartment was awful and moved into another place a month later.

Things have been up and down since. We have sex maybe once a week though sometimes it can be every other week. This is very frustrating for me as I have a high sex drive. She feels very pressured because she knows I'm not happy with the state of our sex life. She suffers from depression but will not take medication for it. She did back in grad school and that was when she was her happiest and the sex was really great though it made her gain weight as a side effect which made her feel depressed plus the medicine's effectiveness wore off after a few months. She doesn't want to see a therapist because she doesn't believe they will do anything for you.

I used to not let it get to me if she rejected me when I proposed sex but now I tend to get irritated. I have tried to get her to try new things such as oral sex but she is really against it. I have said I would like her to initiate things and it has happened a few times but it still feels lacking. When we do have sex, she is very much get down to business and be done with it. She doesn't like it when I try to do different things like go down on her for a bit or something like that.

I just don't know what to do. I love her but this is definitely putting a strain on us. For instance, today I came home from work and she was dressed in lingerie and she looked good but the first words out of her mouth are "we have to get this done soon, we have an appointment at 5:30." Certainly not something to put me in the mood as I didn't want to rush this since she put in the effort to look extra sexy and we ended up not having sex and she got mad at me for it.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Is there anything that can be done or will we just be like this forever? Any bit of advice can help and I'm sure I've missed stuff so I can explain anything else if it is needed.

[CantExplain]

Here's my speculation - could be completely wrong.

It's not really about sex at all. You are setting up house togther and neither of you has ever run a household before, am I right? Both of you are used to being looked after by your parents. That's stopped suddenly, and one or both of you can't let go of that.

[autumnevening]

Depression can really affect a person's sex drive. Keep encouraging her to seek treatment. It's also okay to tell her you would like things to change, and ask her what you can do to help. In the mean time know that your frustration is understandable-she should want to work on things too.