[Lizzie B]

Went to a lesbian meetup group last night. Anyway, a conversation was started re: the ex-husbands we had. So, I just said I left mine and went into a battered womens shelter. Everyone looked at me like I had three heads. I should know better than to discuss things like this with woman without issues of any great nature. Good thing I didn't say the worst thing about his abuse was it brought back incest memories. Then I really would have been considered a freak.

[Blondboy44]

It is unclear what kind of meeting this was --a support group or just an informal group of lesbians?

[missbelle]

I think you might have read more into it. First lesbians are no different then straight women. Abuse and violence happens to them just like it happened to you. Maybe they were just surprised you were able to share it so well.

I think you were brave sharing and there are probably a lot of women there that were in abuse situations either with a man or a woman.

[LiteraryLark]

Why would lesbians have ex-husbands?

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by Blondboy44

It is unclear what kind of meeting this was --a support group or just an informal group of lesbians?

Lesbian meetup groups have potlucks, dinners and all kinds of other things going on. Last night was a Mardi Gras dinner. They are social groups.

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by missbelle

I think you might have read more into it. First lesbians are no different then straight women. Abuse and violence happens to them just like it happened to you. Maybe they were just surprised you were able to share it so well.

I think you were brave sharing and there are probably a lot of women there that were in abuse situations either with a man or a woman.

Thanks it was nice hearing that I was brave. It's just that they looked at me with pity in their eyes. I told not to feel sorry for me I'm very grateful I'm alive. Perhaps that was over the top.

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Why would lesbians have ex-husbands?

Well I'm 51 and its very common for lesbians my age to have ex-husbands. In our youth everyone was condeming gays for AID's etc. We had no rights then and most of us did what society expected of women.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Lizzie B

Well I'm 51 and its very common for lesbians my age to have ex-husbands. In our youth everyone was condeming gays for AID's etc. We had no rights then and most of us did what society expected of women.

Yeah, but isn't it great that she had to ask?! I mean, maybe not so great that DrSkipper doesn't know the history, but how great is it that she just ASSUMED?!!! that it WOULD be like it (logically) SHOULD be? DrSkipper, you made my day - this is what I burned my bra for, oh so many years ago (sorry for the visual!). It is some small measure of victory. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by hankster

Yeah, but isn't it great that she had to ask?! I mean, maybe not so great that DrSkipper doesn't know the history, but how great is it that she just ASSUMED?!!! that it WOULD be like it (logically) SHOULD be? DrSkipper, you made my day - this is what I burned my bra for, oh so many years ago (sorry for the visual!). It is some small measure of victory. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.

I didn't assume, I ASKED.

And i wear a bra because I am woman who doesn't want saggy boobs, not because it oppresses me. Bras can be quite sexy, imo. I am a feminist, not a feminazi

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Lizzie B

Thanks it was nice hearing that I was brave. It's just that they looked at me with pity in their eyes. I told not to feel sorry for me I'm very grateful I'm alive. Perhaps that was over the top.

At a mardi gras dinner, they were probably more interested in lighthearted conversation. Your comment was probably a bit much, though I'm sure you're not the only one who has been in that situation...probably not the only one at your group who was in that situation as well.

[Harley47]

I think you just surprised them Lizzy. I don't think they thought you were a freak at all. I think it's rather natural for anyone with a empathetic/sympathetic side to give you "the look," but it's not a judgment or anything like that.

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by hankster

Yeah, but isn't it great that she had to ask?! I mean, maybe not so great that DrSkipper doesn't know the history, but how great is it that she just ASSUMED?!!! that it WOULD be like it (logically) SHOULD be? DrSkipper, you made my day - this is what I burned my bra for, oh so many years ago (sorry for the visual!). It is some small measure of victory. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.

You are very right about that hankster. A positive sign of the times. I'd burn my bra again too but my boobs hang low now and I literally need the support.

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by Harley47

I think you just surprised them Lizzy. I don't think they thought you were a freak at all. I think it's rather natural for anyone with a empathetic/sympathetic side to give you "the look," but it's not a judgment or anything like that.

You are probably right about that Harley. The abuse I recieved from my husband is so minor compared to the incest memories it brought up I hardly ever think about it. So, because I don't think of it as a big deal I'm suprised when other people do. Thanks, for helping me put things into perspective.

[Blondboy44]

Originally Posted by Lizzie B

Went to a lesbian meetup group last night. Anyway, a conversation was started re: the ex-husbands we had. So, I just said I left mine and went into a battered womens shelter. Everyone looked at me like I had three heads. I should know better than to discuss things like this with woman without issues of any great nature. Good thing I didn't say the worst thing about his abuse was it brought back incest memories. Then I really would have been considered a freak.

People are strange sometimes, especially if they don't know you. I have noticed in various meetings that oftentimes people will "stare down" new folks that make comments for the first time. In those situations, I think they are just trying to figure out "who is this person, where does she come from, what is her background, etc. etc." I have experienced that same reaction in different groups and I believe that these folks probably do not intend to be threatening, they were just curious. Also, I think "we" tend to be self-conscious sometimes among unfamiliar people and are sensitive to such things. Hang in there.

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by Blondboy44

People are strange sometimes, especially if they don't know you. I have noticed in various meetings that oftentimes people will "stare down" new folks that make comments for the first time. In those situations, I think they are just trying to figure out "who is this person, where does she come from, what is her background, etc. etc." I have experienced that same reaction in different groups and I believe that these folks probably do not intend to be threatening, they were just curious. Also, I think "we" tend to be self-conscious sometimes among unfamiliar people and are sensitive to such things. Hang in there.

Thanks Blondby44. Yes, I haven't been to this meetup before. My ex belongs to the others closest to me so I'm avoiding those for now. Yes, I will hang in there although I'm sick of the dating scene wish I could find someone special again.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Lizzie B

So, I just said I left mine and went into a battered womens shelter. Everyone looked at me like I had three heads.

SPECULATION:

They were taken by surprise and didn't know what to say. That made them uncomfortable and that's what you picked up on.

Different situation, but this example might help:

A long time ago, a woman told me her husband had left her. Should I say, "How awful!", or "Good riddance!", or what? I didn't know. So I just stood there stunned.

[Lizzie B]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

SPECULATION:

They were taken by surprise and didn't know what to say. That made them uncomfortable and that's what you picked up on.

Different situation, but this example might help:

A long time ago, a woman told me her husband had left her. Should I say, "How awful!", or "Good riddance!", or what? I didn't know. So I just stood there stunned.

Yes, I definately think I read more into it than I should have. Probably, nervousness about being with a new group of lesbians.