[Ironicman]

Hey guys, I'm looking for advice...

hmm where to start...I guess I should start at the beginning of my relationship, when I told my girlfriend that I was a virgin, knowing that she was not, and I said that I didn't care about her past, but I also (in a more subtle way, its been a while so I can't remember how I put it) said that I didn't really want to hear about her past sex life.

I have gotten over her past sex life and accepted it, and we have had plenty of sexual relations since then, but what has been bothering me recently is that she will sometimes bring up past sexual experiences when we are "in the act" and sometimes right before the act, and its a rather large turn off. She seems to do it on accident, and always apologizes afterwords.

I think this is my problem, I just need to find a way to get over it. I realize this is dumb of me, but I don't know how to get over it.

she says stuff like "we should try shower sex, it's really good", or crack a joke about the number 69 then say "oh yeah, you haven't ever done 69, its kinda weird" or one time she just asked me "have you ever tried it sitting up before?" and I just said "...you would know...".

and its just little statements like that, that I know shouldn't bother me but they do, especially when where about to make love. and its hard to do anything new with her, because she always has an opinion on it already, and I just haven't formed any of my own opinions on them for obvious reasons.

Sorry for the long post,

TL;DR version: girlfriend talks about how different kinds of sex were in the past, and it turns me off because I've only ever had sex with her so I'm still forming new opinions. and I need a way to get over it.

[Harley47]

Hey there.

Have you spoken with her directly about it? Some of the statements you posted sound a little too...specific, to be accidental. It could be her trying to suggest new things with her or perhaps her trying to get you more comfortable sexually. I don't think she's doing it to be intentionally hurtful. She just may not understand what it means to you.

[JLarissaDragon]

It sounds like she is just making suggestions, not trying to be hurtful. Apparently she is more experienced and maybe somewhat adventurous. Girls often like to be creative about sex rather than the same old thing. I think the next time she makes a suggestion you might just respond. Ok lets do that. Sex is whatever the two of you deem appropriate

[Big Mama]

To me this sounds more like a way to make suggestions. Since she has more experience then you her knowledge has to come out some how. Is there another way you like for her ask about things. If this way of asking is bothering you it is the way it is phrased not the suggestion that this was positive in the past. How would you like her to suggest that? Maybe that would be a better way of looking at this.

Sometimes it's the little communication differences that change everything. ex. I Husband "What" when he said something from the other room. He came to the room I was in and raised his voice to me and repeated what he said loudly and I got angry because he was to loud. We decided that to communicate what was really mint. I should have said "repeat that" or "come closer so I can understand you"if I can't hear you and you need to speek louder say "I'm having trouble hearing you". This has been an real argument saver. Find an agreeable way to say what you mean to so the other one can hear you. Hearing and having needs met is not always about the ears. It's about the heart and mind and ears to.

Hi Ironicman - whether or not she means to do it, these comments are clearly affecting you and i would state outright that they make you feel uncomfortable and that if she wants to try new things all she has to do is say so; after all you're still learning about things yourself and the whole thing could be quite fun if you communicate to her what you do and don't want i.e have fun exploring together rather than being made to feel inadequate because of her past. Hope ive been helpful.

[Ironicman]

Thanks for all the input!

I figured it was her way of suggesting stuff a while ago, but the thing is she isn't willing to try new stuff. She's all for it when were not about to do it, but once we're in the moment when I try to suggest we try something (whether it be something she has mentioned before or just something I came up with) it always ends with us doing it the same old way. I don't want to be boring in bed, but shes just not letting me go through with anything adventurous, Yet she still says things about the different ways she has done it and likes it. She used to say she was just shy in bed and I figured that was why, but I think we're pretty far past the point of shyness, considering I -definitely the shyer one in the relationship- am suggesting new things. Also Considering we have been dating for quite a while, and we are pretty comfortable with each other, physically and emotionally.