Everybody thinks Im a lesbian

While I admit to not being the most feminine female on the planet, people often assume I'm a lesbian. I'm not 100% sure I'm not bisexual, but I am interested primarily in men. I haven't had a boyfriend in about a year and a half, and while I'd like to get into a serious relationship, I don't think I'm in the right place mentally for one at this point. I try to avoid any situation that could turn sexual even if I'm interested because of this. I'm sure this doesn't help the problem. If I were a lesbian, I'd be open and honest about it, so it's not that I'm "hiding" my orientation from these people. I met up with a childhood friend that I haven't seen in years a week or so ago and she told me she always thought I was a lesbian. A coworker asked me yesterday if I was a lesbian. Several other friends and acquaintances have asked me the same thing. Obviously something I'm doing is giving people this impression. I do have a lot of interests that are typically considered masculine, but I know several females that share these interests and people don't question their sexuality. Perhaps it's the way I dress? At my job I wear clothes that I don't care about getting dirty, so I'm not going to go out and buy $40 fitted shirts, etc, just to ruin them in three hours. I'm going to go and buy tshirts from Walmart or a second hand store. Almost all my friends are men, but most of my coworkers are men so I don't have many options there.

I'm not sure what to do about this. As I said, I wouldn't be ashamed or try to hide it if I were a lesbian, but I'm not. I'm not sure how to change this impression because I don't know what people are seeing that causes them to think this way. I know I shouldn't worry about what others think, but long term this could cause a problem with my dating life once I feel ready to jump into that game.

hey, chipperdear - i hear you. this must be very frustrating. i have a similar problem in that i am of mixed ethnic backgrounds (irish, italian, czech) and don't look like any of them. for some odd reason, everyone thinks i'm jewish! i've tried wearing a cross around my neck but dislike wearing jewelry of all sorts so, i guess i will have to live with the mis-identification.

fortunately, in your case, you may be able to alter people's impressions with a slight makeover, e.g., change your hairstyle or add a little makeup. maybe wearing fashion shoes to work and changing into your work shoes upon arrival. if you're going to wear t-shirts to work, get some in more feminine colors. it's important to remember that what we wear is a form of communication. while the work clothes you describe may be practical, comfortable and affordable, they are not doing you a favor when it comes to making an impression. in addition to color, you can alter the style of t-shirts, e.g., v-neck instead of crew collar. old navy has a lot of t-shirts that are affordable and in a nice color palette / style selection. please also bear in mind that you want to look the part when mr. right comes knocking! you may not be ready now emotionally but when a guy who interests you shows up, the last thing you want to do is make a bad impression or make him immediately think that he's not your type.

This makes sense. I was talking to a coworker one time and said something along the lines of dressing that way makes it so people don't pay attention to me for reasons I don't want them to. So maybe I'm trying to hide behind my clothes, and it's just giving off an impression I hadn't considered initially. Maybe I'll have to check out Old Navy or something similar soon and see what they have.

I have the opposite problem. I'm a fem lesbian so people assume I'm straight. I don't care either way. When a guy asks me out I thank him for the compliment and tell him I'm gay. Maybe, a makeover will help people with steriotypical images of lesbians in their heads.