[rolan86]

So I am 19 and a virgin, and I have a chance to possibly hook up with some really attractive women. It has been my dream to have sex with a hot hipster girl and this might be my chance. However, I just feel really weird doing this. The girl who invited me is being sort of suggestive, and I have no feelings for her whatsoever. I feel if the sex weren't there I wouldn't really want to talk to her. For this reason, I feel like I could be making a big mistake by going for this. I have also always had a goal of having sex with someone 20 and up while I am still a teenager. I am running out of time to reach this goal. At the same time, I feel this is a stupid goal, and resent the fact that I have it. So this is really a moral dilemma almost. Finally, after all these years of sexual frustration, take the opportunity, or just let it go, and keep "waiting for that perfect moment with that special person". I am very afraid I might end up regretting it if I go for it, and might be stuck forever with a painful memory. Thanks!

[BatsAndButterflies]

There is no shame in being a virgin. I'm 20 and a virgin by choice. Sex is very meaningful. Don't waste an experience and regret it down the line. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are afraid that you will regret it, you probably will! This is your choice, but I hope you will choose to wait until it is with someone who is important to you.

[LiteraryLark]

There is no such thing as regretting waiting. There just isn't. Nobody has ever said "Oh, I wish I had sex sooner." It just doesnt happen. If you're that conflicted, wait, because you're not ready.

[Pandoren]

I'm nearly 24 and a virgin.

I agree with Bats. Losing your virginity because you think you should is probably one of the worst ways to do it. As Bats said, if you think you might regret it, you probably will. You only get to lose your virginity once and even if you have sex regularly for the rest of your life, you'll probably always remember this time because it was your first. It should never be rushed.

You don't necessarily have to wait for the "perfect moment with the perfect person" like you can only lose your virginity to your one true love- but you may find, with confidence and a little more age, that there is a better time to do this when you aren't so concerned and afraid. When you are more emotionally ready to take this step.

[BDPpartner]

ok well i've had my fair share of meaningless one night stands and have always found the sex enjoyable. I actually lost my virginity to a strange at a festival and have never had any regrets I think perhaps your getting to caught up in the detail and planning. And if your already having doubts etc then this probably isn't the way to go about losing your virginity. Let it happen naturally meet a girl and if it feels good and right for you both let the mood take you WHAT I'M GONNA SAY NEXT ISN'T MENT TO OFFEND YOU; your an adult now and yes it's good to have fantasies, but dismissing things because it isn't the "perfect" scenario is quite immature. Sex isn't paint by numbers and it's not a movie, things happen that are unexpected just like everything else we do in life Have fun, use condoms and relax !

I agree pretty much with BDPpartner. There's nothing intrinsically special about being a virgin.
All it means is that you haven't had sex yet. You will still be pretty "virginal" the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, time you have sex. Sorry, but there's nothing magical about it except to the individual. If you think it's special then it is...to you.
But... if you don't even like the person then be prepared to feel some emptiness afterward.
Follow your heart.

[Travelinglady]

I know I will probably offend some young men here, but I think it's sad that sex is no longer considered to be special. A gift to be shared with someone who means something to the person, ideally a love relationship.

[shezbut]

Hi rolan,

I have mixed emotions and thoughts on this topic. Guys and girls look at sex very differently ~ we always have and we probably always will!

I think that the goal of having sex with an older woman, while you're still in your teens is kind of silly, but probably not unusual. Most young girls go with guys who are older than them...that's the way it's been for EONS. Is your hope that she'll be experienced, making the sex more enjoyable? I can't see any other possible motivation...I'm not sure.

Personally, I've been with those with experience and some with no experience. It really does take a while before you get to know your body, and the body of a woman ~ who likes what, when, etc. Rated R and X movies aren't very realistic. You need to ask her what she likes/wants, and ask for feedback! Does that feel good, or does it hurt? In the right place? Softer? The list goes on ~ and obtaining that takes time and experience.

That said, you don't have to feel compelled to simply use women for sex. You can wait to develop honest and true romantic relationships, and let your knowledge grow more slowly but also in a way that doesn't make you feel bad about your behavior or desires. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties ~ pressuring yourself to "just do it" doesn't sound real enjoyable to me.

I know, I'm taking a huge risk by being honest with you on this topic. But, it's simply my opinion. Nothing else.

[seeker1950]

You know...sex really is the most intimate thing you can share with another human being. Males, of a double standard really, may feel differently, but imho it is better to wait till you find someone you value and respect....or love.

[Harley47]

I agree with Seeker, Doc, Payne, Shezbut...lol et al.

Losing it for the sake of losing it is a very easy way to regret losing it, if that makes sense. It'll mean so much more for you (and likely your partner) if it's with someone you truly want to share it with. There is no rush.

BTW Seeker, did you make that? That is gorgeous.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

There is no such thing as regretting waiting. There just isn't. Nobody has ever said "Oh, I wish I had sex sooner." It just doesnt happen. If you're that conflicted, wait, because you're not ready.

I sure as hell wish I had sex sooner. I did not because I was sexually molested by my father at 16-18, and then I became ambivalent towards sex, and forewent great, age appropriate guys at opportune moments. I ended up having sex at 21, so it was a few years of unnecessary inactivity.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Harley47

BTW Seeker, did you make that? That is gorgeous.

DITTO.

To the OP - the answer seems to be NO, you write about the girl in such a cold, detached tone, it is shivering. Almost as if she were off-putting. Let destiny send your way some nice, soft, likable creature. Wait for her, if need be. Good luck. And yes, the idea that you have to have it with an older woman is completely silly. You might, or you might not, but to have have it a PLAN - silly, silly, silly.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I sure as hell wish I had sex sooner. I did not because I was sexually molested by my father at 16-18, and then I became ambivalent towards sex, and forewent great, age appropriate guys at opportune moments. I ended up having sex at 21, so it was a few years of unnecessary inactivity.

Shezbut, thanks for the hug, it is very touching (no pun intended) and has made my day!

DrSkipper, I thought more on this. I do not just regret not starting sex earlier than at 21. I regret a lot of opportunities that I forewent at different junctures, mostly out of feeling of loyalty. And in many case, the person to whom I was loyal was not worth it. Or the relationship disintegrated. And in hindsight I might as well have had my fun, and the candidates all seemed very promising. I have read about other people regretting passing up sex. Sometimes, when it is out of loyalty to a worthy person, the regret is light-colored and faint; other times, it is pretty serious.

Back to the WHEN question. I had a friend and for a mere two months a boyfriend when I was young. I abandoned him in favor of another boy who later became my first husband, which was a bad decision. The 2-month boyfriend was a genius composer, probably bipolar who later died of suicide when I was already living in this country. We were very close as friends and I waited for so long to have sex with him for two reasons: 1) the aforementioned ambivalence, courtesy of sexual abuse at the hands of my dad 2) loyalty to another common friend with whom I had a long distance relationship.

Knowing that he died makes me extremely sad that I had not had sex with him earlier. I wish I could have given him all the pleasure in the world. I did not. I regret it. So yes, I deeply regret not starting sex sooner.

This is a fringe story, and yet, I do not think that I am alone. All in all, I think your idea that no one ever regrets not starting sex sooner is far from reality.

With all that said, I remain of the opinion that at the present juncture the OP should wait.

Sincerely.

[Typo]

While I personally am very happy I waited and gave my virginity to my boyfriend, I also realize that not everyone feels the same way about waiting. If you and this girl have a mutual understanding of the situation and she is aware and you are aware that this is strictly a sexual relationship I see no moral problem with it. Every person had different opinions and feelings when it comes to sex. However just keep in mind that giving your virginity to someone is a very emotional thing, I know some men that for them they say it was more emotional than they expected it to be. Waiting for a special someone is nice, but that also doesn't mean that special someone is someone you have to be in love with. While I gave my virginity to my boyfriend, we had only been talking for a month and actually dating for two weeks, I cared for him but didn't love him at the time. I decided he was the person because he made me feel so safe, comfortable, beautiful and cared for. It just happened to work out that down the road in the relationship we fell in love. Just remember to ask yourself if this is what you really want and remember to practice safe sex,

[SlowMoMo]

There is a lot of pressure caused by society that can lead to things like this. If a man is a virgin at an old age, he is seen by others as defective. You may say its not true, but I know from personal experience that others look down on older male virgins. Females on the other hand, who choose to hold off on having sex, for spiritual or other reasons. Are actually seen as better than those who lost their virginity at a younger age. It is a very double standard, confusing time we live in.

All-in-all, I believe sex is important in a relationship. With the right person, I don't think there should be any pressure to have sex, it should come naturally. Although it should be with someone you deeply love.

This is just my personal opinion, people are free to enjoy free-love relationships and everything as they please. It's a matter of personal feeling and morals. Follow your compass and you will be happy.