Problem

When being intimate with my spouse or pleasing myself I can only achieve an orgasm if I fantasize about my ex. It's getting increasingly harder to not feel emotional afterwards about the fact I can't have sex with him anymore. It was amazing and he was the only man that could sexually satisfy me. Being with him is not a possibility so am I the only person with this issue? I really miss sex with him...

Why did the relationship with the ex end?

He was bi-polar & very abusive.

what did you like about sex with him? Perhaps you miss how aggressive or dominant he was, and your new spouse isn't "putting you in your place" when it comes to sex.

That was part of it; and the sexual equality there wasn't anything we couldn't do to eachother in a positive way, it was simply the most balanced, satisfying, equally amazing sex, to the point we were so wrapped up in pleasing the other that it would take us to the point of having to agree on giving up no matter how many times the other finished, because our bodies would get weak. Was so mind blowing for both of us. I miss it, alot lol.

I kind of relate. I'm not into sex and prefer to avoid it if I can, but if there was one person it was best with, it was my previous ex. Sometimes when I do things by myself, I still see her face and eyes in my mind, and the way she would look at me when she wanted me. There were times I really missed having sex with her. Not because of the sex itself, but because of the way I could actually achieve psychological/intellectual arousal with her. It was the way she could make me yield to her everything that I was. For me, that was the greatest turn-on ever.

If all of that makes sense. Might be something totally different that you're talking about.

I think that alot of the reason I miss it was b/c he & I were connected like you described. It was amazing the intellectual connection too so yes it makes total sense what you said. Thank you!

You're welcome! That kind of connection is amazing, isn't it? There's nothing like it. It's a shame when you have to leave for the sake of self-preservation. It was the same with mine. She was very unstable and emotionally abusive, and a narcissist to boot. But I was so in love with her. Only difference is that she still comes back to pick at me from time to time.

Kind of makes you feel crazy, doesn't it?

I'm sorry you've had to go through the same thing.

It is sad; very heartbreaking, I miss him everyday.